THE WELSHMAN'S PRAISE OF WALES.
[83.]I's not come here to tauke of Prute,
From whence the Welse does take her Root;
Nor tell long Pedigree of Prince Camber,
Whose Linage would fill full a Shamber;
Nor sing the Deeds of old Saint Davy,
The Ursip of which would fill a Navy;
But hark ye now for a liddel Tales
Sal make great deal to the Credit of Wales:
For hur will tudge your Ears,
With the Praise of hur Thirteen Seeres,
And make you as Clad and Merry,
As Fourteen Pot of Perry.
'Tis true was wear him Shirkin Frieze,
But what is that? we have store of Sheize;
And Got is plenty of Coates Milk,
That sell him well, will buy him silk
Enough to make him fine to Quarrel,
At Hereford Sizes in new Apparel.
And get him as much Melmet perhap
Sall give it a Face to his Monmouth Cap.
But then the Ore of Lemster,
By Cot is Uver a Sempster;
That when he is Spun or Did
Yet match him with her Thrid.
And this the Backs now, let us tell ye
Of some Provisions for the Belly;
As Cid and Gote and great Gote's Mother,
And Runt and Cow and great Cow's Uther:
And once but taste on the Welse Mutton,
Your Engliss Seeps not worth a Button;
Then for your Fisse, shall shoose it your Dish,
Look but about, and there's a Trout,
A Salmon, Cor or Chevin,
Will feed you Six or Seven,
As taull Men as e'er Swagger
With Welse Club and long Dagger.
But all this while was never think
A word in praise of our Welse Drink;
Yet for aull that, is a Cup of Bragat,
Aull England Seer may cast his Cap at;
And what you say to Ale of Webley,
Toudge him as well, you'll praise him Trebley.
As well as Metheglin, or Sider, or Meath
Sall sake it your Dagger quite out o' the Seath.
And Oate Cake of Guarthenion,
With a goodly Leek or Onion,
To give as sweet a rellis,
As e'er did Harper Ellis.
And yet is nothing now all this,
If of our Musicks we do miss;
With Harp and Pipes too and the Croud
Must aull come in and tauk aloud.
As loud as Bangu, Davy's Bell,
Of which is no doubt you have hear tell,
As well as our louder Wrexam Organ,
Or rumbling Rocks in the Seer of Glamorgan,
Where look you but in the Ground here,
And you sall see a Sound there,
That put her all togedder,
Is sweet as Measure Pedder.
[52.] In Barnet was a young woman, that when her husband lay a dying, sorrowed out of measure, for feare that shee should lose him. Her father came to her, desiring her to be contented: for he had provided her another husband, a far more handsome man. But she did not onely continue in her sorrow, but was also greatly displeased, that her father made any motion to her of any other husband. As soone as her other husband was buried and the Sermon was done, and they were at supper, between sobbing and weeping, shee rounded her father in the eare, and said, Father, where is the young man that you told me should bee my husband? for very shortly I purpose to be maried. At which her father suddenly fell a laughing.
[82.] A Gallant in his youth was much addicted to dicing, and many times when he had lost all his money, then hee would pawne his cloake, and so goe home without either cloak or coyne, which grieved the Lady his Mother very much: for remedy whereof, she caused all his doublets (of what stuffe so ever) to be made with canvasse painted backes, whereon were fashioned two fooles, which caused the Gentleman ever after to keepe his cloake on his backe, for feare two of the three should be discovered.
[12.]I was took by a fly,
Says a Fish; but I deny
That, for had he not took the fly
At first in his mouth,
He had not, in truth,
Then have been tost up so high.
[52.] There was an unthrift in London, that had received of a Merchant certain Wares, which came to fifty pounds, to pay at three moneths; and at three moneths. But when he had it he consumed and spent it all: so that at the six moneths end there was not any left to pay the Merchant: Wherefore the Merchant arrested him. When he saw there was no other remedy, but either to pay the debt, or go to prison, he sent to a subtill Lawyer, and asked his Counsell how he might clear himself of that debt. What wilt thou give me, (quoth he) if I do? Five marks (quoth the other) and here it is: and as soon as you have done, you shall have it. Well, said the Lawyer, but thou must be ruled by my counsell, and do thus: When thou commest before the Judge, whatsoever he saith unto thee, answer thou nothing, but cry Bea, still, and let me alone with the rest. So when he came before the Judge, he said to the Debter, Dost thou owe this Merchant so much money? Bea (quoth he). What, beast? (quoth he) answer to that I aske thee. Bea (quoth he again.) Why, how now? quoth the Judge, I think this fellow hath gotten a sheeps tongue in his head: for he answereth in the sheeps language. Why, Sir, quoth the Lawyer, do you think this Merchant that is so wise a man, would be so foolish, as to trust this Ideot with fifty pounds worth of ware, that can speak never a word? No, Sir, I warrant you—And he persuaded the Judge to cast the Merchant in his own suit. And so the Judge departed, and the Court brake up. Then the Lawyer came to his Client, and asked him his Money, since his promise was performed, and his debt discharged. Bea (quoth he.) Why, thou needs't not cry Bea any longer, but pay me my money. Bea, (quoth he again). Why thou wilt not serve me so, I hope, (quoth the Lawyer) now I have used thee so kindly? But nothing but Bea could Master Lawyer get for his paines, and so was faine to depart with a flea in his eare.
[5.]Dolens doth shew his purse, and tels you this,
It is more horrid than a Pest-house is;
For in a Pest-house many mortals enter,
But in his purse, one angell dares not venture.
[61.] An old merry Parson that lived in the old merry dayes, being a little purblined by being a very good fellow that would alwayes pay his Clubb,[135] having sat up late on the Satterday night, was a little unfitted in his eyes to read right the next morning; turned to a Chapter in Exodus, the beginning of the Chapter began thus, And God told Moses &c, but, his eyes failing him, like a true Clubber he read thus, And the Lord told Noses[136] &c—
[135] i.e. His share of the liquor consumed.
[136] Counted heads, so that all should pay their due proportion.
[78.] Two Gentlemen talking in latin, in the presence of a woman, she grew jealous that they spake of her, and desired them to speake english that she might answer them, for she said she was perswaded when men spake latin, although they spake but two words, that still one of them was naught: where upon one of the Gentlemen sayd presently, Bona mulier,[137] she replyed, I know bona is good, but I'le warrant ye the other word meanes something that's nought.
[137] Good woman.
The
Young-Man & Maidens Forecast;
shewing how
They Reckon'd their Chickens before they were Hatcht.
To the Tune of, The Country Farmer, Or The Devonshire Damosels.
This may be Printed R. P.
[84.]I'll tell you a Jest of a Provident Lass,
Whose Providence prov'd her a Provident Ass;
She laid forth her store in such brittle Ware,
That very small profit did fall to her share;
Thirteen to the Dozen of Eggs she would buy,
And set a Hen over them carefully;
As long as she went her footing she watch'd,
She counted her Chickens before they were Hatch'd.
Said she, if these Chickens five Capons do prove,
Capons be Meat which Gentlemen love;
Those Chickens she would sell to buy a Sow-Pig,
That it might have young ones e're it was big;
Then with her Pigs she would have an Ewe,
It may have Lambs not kill'd with the Dew;
And, as she was thinking to buy her a Calf,
Her Heels they flew from her a Yard and a half.
Her Heels kiss'd the ground, and up flew her Leggs,
Down came her Basket, and broke all her Eggs;
There lay her Pigs, her Chickens, her Lambs,
She could not have young ones unless she had Dams;
Thus Fortune did frown by a fall that she catcht,
Her Chickens prov'd Addle, before they were Hatcht:
Attend but a while, and I'le briefly declare,
Bad fortune did likewise fall to the Man's share.
And now the Man to the Market will go,
To see what Dame Nature on him will bestow;
He bought him five Eggs, thinking to Thrive,
And thus did the business finely contrive;
Said he, if these Eggs five Cocks they will frame,
And most of them prove to be Cocks of the Game,
So soon as their Spurs are long enough grown,
Then I may ingross a Cock Pit of my own.
Then may I have Gallants of every sort,
Both Lords, Knights and Squires, and all to see sport,
If they Fight bravely these Gallants to please,
I may come to get Means by the rearing of these:
And when I have done, I'll get me a rich Wife,
That I may live happy all days of my Life;
And in the Church we will be loving matcht,
But count not your Chickens before they are Hatcht.
And when he came home he set his Eggs by,
He could not get up, the Roost was so high;
But fetching a Ladder, that unhappy time,
It was his hard luck with his Eggs for to Climb;
These Ladders prove fatal to many a Man,
And are undone by them now and then;
So was this poor Man undone by a Fall,
Down comes the Basket, Man, Eggs and all.
There lay the poor Man with a fall almost Lame,
His Cock-Pits and Gallants, and Cocks of the Game;
The loosing of this grieved him to the Life,
Yet the grief it was more in the loss of his Wife;
All you young Men live vertuous Lives,
And think to get Portions now by your Wives;
Take warning by me before you are Matcht,
Pray count not your Chickens before they be Hatcht.
FINIS.
Printed for P. Brooksby at the Golden Ball in Pye Corner near West Smithfield.
[17.] In Ireland, a Bag-piper coming for England with his Snapsack on his shoulder, as he sate at dinner in a wood, three Wolves began to accost him; then he threw one bread, and another meat, and still they crept nearer to him; Upon which, being afraid, he took his bagpipes and began to play, at which noise the Wolves all ran away: A pox take you, says he, If I had known you had loved Musick so well, you should have had it before dinner.
[26.] A man was condemned the last Sessions to be hang'd for a Robbery; but before and after he was condemned, his careful, dear, and loving wife bid him take no care; for she had took care that he should not die; which made the man live more dissolutely than he would have done, but for his wife's confidence; which Confidence she continued to him till the night before he was to be hang'd; and then she came to him and told him, That all the great Promises made to her were come to nothing; for she could not procure him a Pardon by any means whatever; which put the poor man into such a Grief and Trembling that he was scarce himself. Come, husband, says she, take Heart, for though I cannot get you a Pardon, yet I'll tell you what I'll do for you; I will make you an excellent Cawdle tonight, which will make you sleep well, and another to morrow morning to comfort up your heart before you are hang'd: for truly I believe it troubles you as well as me, that I could not get your pardon; therefore pass it by this once; but if ever you come to be hang'd again, I'll warrant you, I'll get you pardon.
[12.]Says a man nam'd John,
In every place the Sun
Does rise every Morning soon;
'Tis not so, in every place,
For my Son t' his disgrace,
Never rises till the Afternoon.
[52.] A Gentleman of Norfolk, as he was riding towards London in the Winter time, and sitting by the fire side with his Host, untill supper could be made ready, there happened a Rabbit to be at the fire a rosting, which the Gentleman perceived to bee very leane, as he thought. Quoth he unto his Host, We have Rabbits in our Country, that one will drip a pottle, and baste itselfe. The In-keeper wondred with himselfe, and did think it to be a lie, but would not say so, for manners sake, and because he was his guest: but, thinking to requite him, Now truely, quoth he, it is very strange: but I can tell you of as strange a thing as that: Which the Gentleman was desirous to heare. Quoth he, I had as fine a Grayhound as any was in England: and if I had happened to goe abroad to my grounds, the Grayhound would alway go with me. And sometime there would start out a Hare before me, which my Grayhound would quickly catch. It fortuned that my dogge died, and for very love that I bare to him, I made me a bottle of his skin, to carry drinke withall, So, one time in hay harvest, my folkes being making of hay in my grounds, and the weather being hot, I filled my bottle with Beere, to carry to them, lest they should lack drink. And as I was going along, there starts a Hare out of a bush before me: and as it was my custome, I cryed, Now, now, now. My bottle leaping from my girdle, ran and catcht the Hare. What, (quoth the Gentleman) me thinks that should be a lie. Truly sir, said the In-keeper, so did I think yours was. The Gentleman perceiving that he was requited for his kindnesse, held himselfe contented.
[85.]Jack drink away
Thou hast lost a whole Minute,
Hang Wenches and Play;
There's no pleasure in it.
Faith take t'other glass
Though the Nights old and grey,
We may all have a pass
To the Grave before day.
And in the cold forsaken Grave,
There's no drink, Jack, no drink,
No wine nor women, can we have:
No Company but Worms that stinck.
Then name thy own health and begin it.
[86.] The beginning of our late unnaturall broyles, was, among other causes imputed chiefly to the imposition of Ship-money, for which Mr Hambden was condemned in the Exchequer in a penall Sume by the consent of ten of the judges, who gave their opinion that that Taxe was legal, only Judge Hutton, and Judge Crook declared against it, so that a stop was put to the levying of it, whereupon a Countryman, no friend to the prerogative, said Wittily, The King may get Ship-money by Hooke, but not by Crook; but since that time other taxes ten times heavyer have been taken from us by Hook and Crook together.
[17.] A Country Farmer being sick, he and his Wife came to a Doctor, who advised him to drink Asses Milk and Sugar every morning, but if you can get no Asses milk come to me and I'll help you to some: says his Wife to him, pray do you think that the Doctor gives suck?
[61.] There was a Gentleman whose onely study and practice was Manhood, as football playing, Wrastling, Pitching the ball, throwing of Weights, Riding, and Fencing, in which active practises he was so perfect, that he over match'd all men that came neer him, insomuch, that he was the Glory of the West of England, and he was the Conqueror of all men that came to him, and grew froward that he could not find any man fit to match him, but it happened that one day after hunting, at a drinking Match in an Ale house, by chance he met a North Countryman who was highly extolling a great Gamester like himself in the North, who performed all exercises that were manly, and a person that was an over commer of all that durst engage him. The Western Gentleman desired his name and habitation, which was soon told him. But when he heard it, he was impatient of further delay, and therefore in order for a Journey to him he provided himself of all conveniences, and rid into the North, where with little enquiry he found the Gentleman's house, and knocking at the gate, he was informed by a Servant that his Master was in his Parke a mile off. The Traveller returned thanks, and with his Horse in his hand (guided by the Servants direction) he went to him, where he found him mending of a pale. Now take notice that this North Country Gentleman was a very stout man, but of very few words; and the Western Gentleman of as many, who thus began to accost him: Sir, I have intelligence that you are the stoutest man in all the North, and I am as highly reputed in the West, which hath provoked me to find you out, that we may trye both our strength and our skill, so far that fortune and time may Crown one of us, the only glorious man in England. The North Countryman was still at his worke: but heard distinctly all that he said: but returned no answer, onely when the other had ended speaking, and expected a reply the North Countryman comes fairly to him, puts his hand under his twist,[138] and pitcheth him over the Park pales; the West Country man seeing him do that so easily, began to think there was no contending with him, and therefore very civilly, with his Hat in his hand, gave him a return in these words, I thank you, Sir, heartily. Pray throw my Horse over too.
[138] Cotgrave says "twist" answers to the French "fourchure," a fork, or division, i.e. he caught hold of him between his legs.
[5.]Be not wroth Cotta, that I not salute thee,
I us'd it whilst I worthy did repute thee;
Now thou art made a painted Saint, and I,
Cotta, will not commit Idolatry.
[4.] A Lusty young Man in Somersetshire, after he had been Married about four Months, grew very Lean and Feeble, so that he cou'd hardly crawl a long; He, one day, seeing a Butcher run over a Plough'd Field after a Mad Bull, ask'd him the reason of it. Why, says the Butcher it is to Tame him: O, says the Fellow, Let him be Married, let him be Married; if that don't Tame him, I'll be hang'd.