ARITHMETIC
"Waiter," he suggested mildly, "I want three eggs, and boil them four minutes."
But the cook, having only one in the place, boiled it twelve minutes.
Which proves the value of higher mathematics.
SCHOOL-TEACHER (to little boy)—"If a farmer raises 3,700 bushels of wheat and sells it for $2.50 per bushel, what will he get?"
LITTLE BOY—"An automobile."
"Now, then, Johnny," said his teacher, "if your father gave you seven cents and your mother gave you six and your uncle gave you four more, what would you have?"
Johnny wrinkled up his forehead and went into silence for the space of several minutes.
"Come, come," said the teacher impatiently. "Surely you can solve a simple little problem like that."
"It ain't a simple problem at all," replied the boy. "I can't make up my mind whether I'd have an ice-cream soda or go to the movies."
In Missouri, where they raise more mules and children than in any other place in the world, a certain resident died possessed of seventeen mules and three sons. In his will he disposed of the mules as follows: One-half to the eldest son, one-third to the next, and one-ninth to the youngest.
The administrator who went to divide the property drove a span of mules out to the farm, but when he went to divide the seventeen into halves, thirds, and ninths he found it was impossible with live mules; mules not being very valuable, he unhitched one of his own, putting it with the other seventeen, making eighteen, when he proceeded to divide as follows: One-half, or nine to the eldest, one third, or six, to the next son, and one-ninth, or two, to the youngest. Adding up nine, six, two, he found that it made seventeen, so he hitched up his mule and went home rejoicing.—Ladies Home Journal.
"Now, Harold," said the teacher, "if there were eleven sheep in a field and six jumped the fence how many would there be left?"
"None," replied Harold.
"Why, but there would," said she.
"No, ma'am, there wouldn't," persisted he. "You may know arithmetic, but you don't know sheep."
One day, as Pat halted at the top of the river-bank, a man famous for his inquisitive mind stopped and asked:
"How long have you hauled water for the village, my good man?"
"Tin years, sor."
"Ah, how many loads do you take in a day?"
"From tin to fifteen, sor."
"Ah, yes! Now I have a problem for you. How much water at this rate have you hauled in all?"
The driver of the watering-cart jerked his thumb backward toward the river and replied:
"All the water yez don't see there now, sor."