BARGAINS
A thin, anemic woman was accosted by her friend on the street: "Why, Mary, how pale and thin you look! I thought you were going south for your health."
"I was," said Mary, "but my doctor has offered me such a lovely bargain in operations—a major operation for one thousand dollars—and of course I can't resist that."
"How much vas dose collars?"
"Two for a quarter."
"How much for vun?"
"Fifteen cents."
"Giff me de odder vun."
"Ikey," said the teacher, "can you give me a definition for 'a bargain'?"
"Sure I can," smiled Ikey. "A bargain's when you get the best of them."
Dad was not greatly pleased by the school report brought to him by his hopeful.
"How is it?" he demanded, "that you stand so much lower in your studies for the month of January than for December?"
Samuel was equal to the emergency. "Why, dad," said he, in an injured tone, "don't you know that everything is marked down after the holidays?"
Swapping dollars enriches nobody but swapping ideas enriches both parties to the trade.
A noted wag met an Irishman in the street one day, and thought he would be funny at his expense.
"Hello, Pat!" he said. "I'll give you eight (in) pence for a shilling."
"Will ye, now?" said Pat.
"Yes," he replied.
The Irishman handed over the shilling, and his friend put eight pence into his palm in return.
"Eight in pence," he explained. "Not bad, is it?"
"No," answered Pat; "but the shilling is!"