BRIDES
And men relate that Mrs. Newlywed went to the grocery store to do her morning marketing. And she was determined that the grocer should not take advantage of her youth and inexperience.
"These eggs are dreadfully small," she criticized.
"I know it," he answered. "But that's the kind the farmer brings me. They are just fresh from the country this morning."
"Yes," said the bride, "and that's the trouble with those farmers. They are so anxious to get their eggs sold that they take them off the nest too soon!"
"Hello! Is this you, mother, dear?"
"Yes, Sue? What is it? Something awful must have happened for you to call me up at this—"
"It's not so awful. But, John, dear, hasn't been feeling well and the doctor gave him pills to take every four hours. I've been sitting up to give them to him, and now it's about time for the medicine, and John has fallen asleep. Should I wake him?"
"I wouldn't if I were you. What is he suffering from?"
"Insomnia."
WIFE—"Oh, George, do order a rat-trap to be sent home today."
GEORGE—"But you bought one last week."
WIFE—"Yes, dear, but there's a rat in that."
"What kind of coal do you wish, mum?"
"Dear me, I am so inexperienced in these things. Are there various kinds?"
"Oh, yes. We have egg coal, chestnut—"
"I think I'll take egg coal. We have eggs oftener than we have chestnuts."