DENTISTS
"Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably. "Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"
Dinah had been troubled with a toothache for some time before she got up enough courage to go to a dentist. The moment he touched her tooth she screamed.
"What are you making such a noise for?" he demanded. "Don't you know I'm a 'painless dentist'?"
"Well, sah," retorted Dinah, "mebbe yo' is painless, but Ah isn't."
DENTIST—"Open wider, please—wider."
PATIENT—"A—A—A—Ah."
DENTIST (inserting rubber gag, towel, and sponge)—"How's your family?"
A young man who needed false teeth wrote to a dentist ordering a set as follows:
"My mouth is three inches acrost, five-eighths inches threw the jaw. Some hummocky on the edge. Shaped like a hoss-shew, toe forward. If you want me to be more particular, I shall have to come thar."
Dentist, speaking to patient about to have a tooth extracted—"Have you heard the latest song hit?"
Patient—"No. What is the title of it?"
Dentist—"The Yanks are Coming."
Returning home from the dentist's, where he had gone to have a loose tooth drawn, little Raymond reported as follows:
"The doctor told me 'fore he began that if I cried or screamed it would cost me a dollar, but if I was a good boy it would be only fifty cents."
"Did you scream?" his mother asked.
"How could I?" answered Raymond. "You only gave me fifty cents."
Mr. Harkins had taken his boy, aged ten, to have an offending molar tooth drawn. When the job had been accomplished, the dentist said: "I am sorry, sir, but I shall have to charge you five dollars for pulling that tooth."
"Five dollars!" exclaimed Mr. Harkins, in dismay. "Why, I understood you to say that you charged only one dollar for such work!"
"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office."—Harper's.