OFFICERS
OFFICER—"I ketched this here mut pinchin' bananas off a fruit-stand."
MAGISTRATE—"Aha! 'personating an officer! Two years."—Life.
COMMANDER—"What's his character apart from this leave-breaking?"
PETTY OFFICER—"Well, sir, this man 'e goes ashore when 'e likes; 'e comes off when 'e likes; 'e uses 'orrible language when 'e's spoken to; in fact, from 'is general be'avior, 'e might be a orficer!"—Punch.
PROFESSOR—"What! Forgotten your pencil again, Jones! What would you think of a soldier without a gun?"
JONES (an ex-service man)—"I'd think he was an officer."