PROPOSALS
"No," said the positive girl, "I will never tie myself down to one man."
"Perhaps," he replied sarcastically, "if I organize a syndicate you will consider our offer."
MERCHANT (to applicant for job)—"Sorry, but I only employ married men."
APPLICANT-"Do you happen to have a daughter, sir?"
"I love you! I love you!" he murmured for the nineteenth time. "Speak! Answer me!"
The maiden coyly hung her head.
"I—oh, Tom, this is so sudden!" she pleaded.
He drew her close to him.
"Don't be afraid, darling!" he said gently. "Would you like me to ask your mother first?"
With a sudden cry of alarm she threw her arms around his neck.
"No, no!" she gasped. "Mother is a widow. I want you myself!"
"Yes, she rejected me, but she did it in a most encouraging way."
"How was that?"
"As I went away, she pointed to the footprints that I had made on the carpet, and said: 'The next time you come to propose to me, I want you to wipe your shoes clean!'"
Long had he worshipped her at a distance, but his shyness prevented him from proposing. Then, one evening, for the sake of sweet charity, a theatrical performance took place, in which the charmer was leading lady and more adorable than ever. Afterward the shy admirer drew near, his love made valiant by the sight of her beauty. "You are the star of the evening," he said as they stood alone in a corner.
"You are the first to tell me so," said the damsel with a happy blush.
"Then," he retorted promptly, "may I not claim my reward as an astronomer?"
The lady looked puzzled. "What reward?" she asked.
"Why, the right to give my name to the star I have discovered!"
"So you want to marry Alice, do you?" asked the girl's father of her young man.
"Very much indeed," replied the youth.
"Can you support a family?"
The young man reflected a moment, and then asked, "How many are there of you, sir?"
FRANK—"When you proposed to her I suppose she said: 'This is so sudden?'"
ERNEST—"No, she was honest and said: 'This suspense has been terrible.'"
One evening some time since John Henry called on the darling of his heart, and while talking to the fair one he casually referred to some of the hardships of the present day.
"I see, Gladys," he remarked, "that the price of coal has gone up again, and that it is hard to get at any price."
"Has it?" responded Gladys, without showing any great concern.
"Yes," answered John Henry, "and they say they are also advancing house rents, while sugar—"
"Look here, John Henry!" suddenly interjected the fair one, with a withering expression. "If you want to break off our engagement, say so, but don't try to beat around the bush in such a cowardly way."
"Will you have me for your wife?" said the leap-year maiden, sweetly.
"Since you have suggested it, I will," he replied. "But just remember, Mame, if I don't turn out to be all you expect you have only yourself to blame."
The pretty girl of the party was bantering the genial bachelor on his reasons for remaining single.
"No-o-o, I never was exactly disappointed in love," he meditated. "I was more what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became very much enamored of a young lady of my acquaintance; I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feeling, but at last I screwed up my courage to the proposing point. I said, 'Let's get married.'
"And she said, 'Good Lord! Who'd have us!'"—Everybody's.
HE (cautiously)—"Would you say 'Yes' if I asked you to marry me?"
SHE (still more cautiously)—"Would you ask me to marry you if I said I would say 'Yes' if you asked me to marry you?"
"Congratulate me, Freddy. Last night your sister promised to marry me."
"Oh, she promised mother she'd marry you long ago."—Life.
HE-"I called to see your father this afternoon."
SHE (fluttering visibly)-"Oh, did you?"
HE—"Yes; he has been owing our firm a little bill for some time."
"So you want to marry my daughter," said Mr. Cumrox.
"Yes," replied the young man. "I hope to hear you say take her and be happy!"
"No, sir. I'm not going to shoulder any implied responsibilities. All I am going to say is 'take her.'"
HARRY—"Marry me and your smallest wishes will always be fulfilled."
CARRIE—"I am able to do that myself. What I want is a man who will gratify my biggest wishes."
"I was speaking with your father last night," he said at last, somewhat inanely.
"Oh, were you?" answered the sweet young thing, lowering her eyes. "Er—what were you—er—talking about?"
"About the war in Europe. Your father said that he hoped the fighting would soon be over."
The sweet young thing smiled.
"Yes," she remarked. "I know he's very much opposed to long engagements."