SHOPPING
CLERK—"Now see here little girl, I can't spend the whole day showing you penny toys. Do you want the earth with a little red fence around it for a cent?"
LITTLE GIRL—"Let me see it."
"How can you tell when a woman is only shopping?"
"When they intend to buy they ask to see something cheaper. When they're shopping they ask if you haven't something more expensive in stock."
In a busy department store, a lady asked to see blankets. After the clerk had emptied the shelves and piled the counters with blankets of every description and color, the lady thanked him and said: "I was just looking for a friend."
"Well, madam," said the obliging clerk, "if you think your friend is among these blankets, I'll look again."
"Was papa the first man who ever proposed to you, mama?"
"Yes; but why do you ask?"
"I was just thinking that you might have done better if you had shopped around a little more."
Here is a story of a lady who seemed to want a lot for her money. She rushed excitedly into the hardware department.
"Give me a mouse-trap!" she exclaimed. "Quickly, please, because I want to catch a train."
HUSBAND (discovering the hall full of packages)—"Heavens! You must have had a successful shopping day."
WIFE—"Yes, dear, and that isn't the best of it. I have actually got something that I am going to keep."—Life.
An old fellow who was noted through the town for his stuttering as well as for his shrewdness in making a bargain, stopped at a grocery and inquired:
"How m-m-many t-t-t-turkeys have you g-g-got?"
"Eight, sir," replied the grocer.
"T-t-t-tough or t-t-tender?"
"Some are tender and some tough," was the reply.
"I k-keep b-b-b-boarders," said the new customer. "P-pick out the four t-toughest t-t-turkeys, if you p-p-please."
The delighted grocer very willingly complied with the unusual request, and said in his politest tones:
"These are the tough ones, sir."
Upon which the customer coolly put his hand on the remaining four, and exclaimed:
"I'll t—t—take th—th—th—these!"