SPINSTERS
"Helen," said the teacher, "can you tell me what a 'myth' is?" "Yeth, ma'am," lisped Helen; "it ith a woman that hath not got any huthband."
WILLIS—"Going to the party?"
GILLIS—"No. I haven't any lady."
WILLIS—"Come with me. I've got two extras."
GILLIS—"Who are they?"
WILLIS—"Miss Oldbud and Miss Passé."
GILLIS—"They're not extras. They're early editions."
"I'm glad Billy had the sense to marry an old maid," said grandma at the wedding.
"Why, grandma?" asked the son.
"Well, gals is highty-tighty, and widders is kinder overrulin' and upsettin'. But old maids is thankful and willin' to please."
CHARLES—"Girls wish they were men."
HERBERT—"Why do you say that?"
"Because spinsters like to call themselves 'bachelor girls,' but no bachelor ever calls himself an 'old-maid man.'"
There is nothing like a good definition, as the teacher thought when he explained the meaning of "old maid," as a woman who had been made a long time.