TEMPERANCE

THE MAN (to a New York waiter)—"—and a glass of good beer!"

THE WAITER—"Sorry, sir. We only serve temperance beverages."

THE MAN—"Why, I got beer in Rhode Island."

THE WAITER—"Maybe you did, sir. But that was only by an act of Providence."

A temperance lecturer was enthusiastically denouncing the use of all intoxicants.

"I wish all the beer, all the wine, all the whiskey in the world was at the bottom of the ocean," he said.

Hastily Pat arose to his feet.

"Sure, and so do I, sor," he shouted. "I wish every bit of it was at the bottom of the sea."

As they were leaving the hall the lecturer encountered Pat.

"I certainly am proud of you," he said. "It was a brave thing for you to rise and say what you did. Are you a teetotaler?"

"No, indade, sor," answered Pat. "I'm a diver."

Mayor Fitzgerald of Boston, at a recent temperance banquet was discussing a drink cure of little efficacy.

"When I think of this cure." he said "I recall a poor old man with a red nose, who entered a magistrate's office and said:

"I'd like to take the pledge if you please."

"Very good," said the polite clerk, "and how long did you wish to take it for?"

"In the past," said the old man, "I've always took it for life."