TIPS
The sailor had been showing the lady visitor over the ship. In thanking him she said:
"I see that by the rules of your ship tips are forbidden."
"Lor' bless yer 'eart, ma'am," replied Jack, "so were the apples in the Garden of Eden."
Tipping is said to be due to public weakness and it is also due to the desire to have luncheon served in time for dinner.
LUNCHER—"Look here, waiter, I'm very sorry, but I've only just sufficient money with me to pay the bill, and nothing left for a tip for you."
WAITER (confidently)—"Would you mind just letting me 'ave another look at the bill, sir?"
He was dining alone and had much time to puzzle over an unusual phenomenon he had noted.
"Why is it, Sam," he said, addressing the waiter, "that poor men usually give larger tips than rich men?"
"Well, suh," rejoined the woolly-headed knight of the napkins meditatively, "looks to me like de po' man don't want nobody to find out he's po' an' de rich man don't want nobody to find out he's rich."
"What's the difference between valor and discretion?"
"Well, to go to a swell restaurant without tipping the waiter would be valor."
"I see. And discretion?"
"That would be to dine at a different restaurant the next day."