"Shakspeare and the last Quart O"
A Dubious Compliment..—Rector's Wife (after harvest festival). Well, Mrs. Piggleswade, how did you like the Bishop's sermon?
Mrs. Piggleswade. Oh! ma'am, I ain't been so much upset since my old man took me to the wariety theayter in London last August twelve-month, and 'eard a gen'leman sing about his grandmother's cat.
There was a poor actor on the Norwich circuit who squinted most dreadfully: he was put up on one occasion for "Lear." "We must succeed," said the manager, "for there never was a Lear with so strong a cast."
A Richmond Dinner.—A shouting actor who performs the part.
BY DEPUTY
As Shakspeare could not write his plays
(If Mrs. Gallup's not mistaken),
I think how wise in many ways
He was to have them done by Bacon;
They might have mouldered on the shelf,
Mere minor dramas (and he knew it!)
If he had written them himself
Instead of letting Bacon do it.
And if it's true, as Brown and Smith
In many learned tomes have stated,
That Homer was an idle myth,
He ought to be congratulated;
Since, thus evading birth, he rose
For men to worship from a distance:
He might have penned inferior prose
Had he achieved a real existence.
To him and Shakspeare some agree
In making very nice allusions,
But no one thinks of praising me,
For I composed my own effusions:
As others wrote their works divine,
And they immortal thus to day are,
If someone else had written mine
I might have been as great as they are!
Famous Lion Comique (to his agent, who is not much of a cigar smoker). "What did you think of that cigar as I give you the other day?"
Agent. "Well, the first night I liked it well enough. But the second night I didn't like it so well. And the third I didn't like it at all!"
Numerous applications were received by the manager of Covent Garden from "professionals" wishing to take part in The Forty Thieves. It was not found possible to offer engagements to the following (amongst others):—
The Thief—who stole a march.
The Thief—in the candle.
The Thief—who was set to catch a thief.
The Thief—who stole the "purse" and found it "trash."
The Thief—who stole up-stairs.
The Thief—of time, alias procrastination, and—
The Thief—who stole a kiss (overwhelming number of applicants).
THE REAL AND THE IDEAL; OR, THE CATASTROPHE OF A VICTORIA MELO-DRAMA
Berthelda.—Sanguino, you have killed your mother!!!
Fruitwoman.—Any apples, oranges, biscuits, ginger-beer!
(Curtain falls.)
| The Music-hall | Screaming Farcical Comedy. |
| A Melodrama at the "Surrey". | A pathetic "Comedy-Drama." |
| Another. | The Opera. |
| A patriotic Drama at the "National Theatre". | And |
| Three acts | of Henrik Ibsen. |
