SHOULD MOTORISTS WEAR MASKS?
["Plus de lunettes spéciales pour MM. les chauffeurs. Ils devront conduire comme les cochers ordinaires à yeux nus ou avec les lunettes ordinaires de myopes ou de presbytes. Nos sportsmen déclarent que ces lunettes de motoristes favorisent l'anonymat. Ces lunettes sont de véritables masques. On fait sous ce masque ce qu'on n'oserait pas faire à visage découvert. En France il est défendu de se masquer en dehors du temps de carnaval ... si le masque tombe, la vitesse des motors deviendra fatalement normale."—M. N. de Noduwez in the "Times."]
Mr. Punch has collected a few brief opinions upon the subject of the above-quoted letter.
Mr. Kipling writes: "Through dirt, sweat, burns, bursts, smells, bumps, breakdowns, and explosions I have attained to the perfect joy of the scorcher. I have suffered much on the southern British highways. My Tibetan devil-mask shall therefore add to their terrors. Besides, I wore gig-lamps at school. What do they know of Sussex who only Burwash know?"
Mr. Beerbohm Tree telephones: "The most beautiful of all arts is that of make-up. We cannot all resemble Caliban, but why should not the motorist aspire in that direction? Life is but a masque, and all roads lead to 'His Majesty's.'"
Miss Marie Corelli telegraphs: "I am all for anonymity and everything that tends to the avoidance of advertisement. If people must ride in motors, let them have the decency to disguise themselves as effectually as possible, and shun all contact with their kind."
Mr. Jem Smith, cabdriver, in the course of an interview, said: "Masks? Not 'arf! Let 'em out on the Fifth of November, and throw a match in their oil-tanks—that's what I'd do! I'd anonymous the lot of 'em!"
Policeman XX. (in the rôle of a labourer behind a hedge on the Brighton road): "'Oo are you a-gettin' at? Do you see any mote in my eye? If you want to know the time, I've a stop-watch!"
Enthusiastic Motorist (to Perfect Stranger). I swear by petrol, sir; always use it myself. Now what, may I ask, do you use?
Perfect Stranger. Oats!
Division of Labour.—It is not the business of ducal footmen to clean the family bicycles. The ladies Ermyntrude and Adelgitha have to do it themselves.
Juggernautical.—Unfortunate Cyclist (who has been bowled over by motor-car). "Did you see the number?"
Jarge. "Yes, there was three on 'em. Two men and a woman."
EXPECTATION.—The Browns welcoming the Robinsons (awfully jolly people, don't you know,) from whom they have had a letter saying that they will arrive early in the day by motor.
REALISATION.—The Browns, when the arrivals have removed their motor glasses, etc., disclosing not the Robinsons, but those awful bores, the Smiths.