“ANOTHER PAIR OF SLEEVES”
Time was, not very long ago,
When Mabel’s walking-skirt
Trailed half-a-yard behind to show
How well she swept the dirt.
But “short and sweet” are in again;
No more the grievance rankles,
For Mabel’s now curtailed her train
And shows her dainty ankles.
But Mabel has a thrifty mind.
To supplement her charms,
The frills that once she wore behind
She fastens on her arms.
Her sleeves are made in open bags
Like trousers in the Navy;
No more she sweeps the streets, but drags
Her sleeve across the gravy.
Lenten non lent-’em.—Fräulein von Under Standt. “How very plainly zat dear Lady Churchleigh is dressed!”
Friend. “Yes, indeed. But, you must remember, it is Lent.”
Fräulein. “Ach no! You do not mean to tell me really and truly zat she borrows her dresses?”
“Hang it, you’ve got an umbrella of your own. Why the deuce don’t you stick it up?”
“Not if I know it, old man! This umbrella was done up last May by Monty Brabazon, and has never been opened since!”
“Monty Brabazon? Who’s he?”
“Not know Lord Montague Brabazon? Why, he’s about the only man in London who really knows how to do up an umbrella!”
Hostess. “You’re not going already, Professor, surely!”
The Professor. “I’m sorry to, my dear lady, but I have been working so late all the week I feel I must have my beauty sleep to-night.”
Hostess. “Then I mustn’t keep you. I’m sure you need it, poor thing!”
She. “I love this excessively hot weather! Don’t you, Mr. Boreham?”
He. “No! I can’t stand it. I shall go away if it continues!”
A FRIENDLY REBUKE
“Thanks for a very pleasant evening, and good-night, Herr Professor. I’m sorry to have to leave you so early!”
“Ach! Fräulein, when you come to see us, your stays are always so short!”
AT A GARDEN PARTY
Lady Vere de Vere (to distinguished foreigner). “You must excuse me. I know it’s awfully silly of me. I know your name so well, but I can’t remember your face!”
She. “I haven’t seen any of your people here to-night, Mr. Carter. I hope they are well?”
Mr. Carter. “No. They’ve all got colds. I was the only one of the family able to come.”