THE LATEST THING IN CRIME
(A Dialogue of the Present Day)
Scene—Mrs. Featherston’s Drawing-room. Mrs. Thistledown discovered calling.
Mrs. Thistledown (taking up a novel on a side-table). “The Romance of a Plumber,” by Paul Poshley. My dear Flossie, you don’t mean to tell me you read that man?
Mrs. Featherston. I haven’t had time to do more than dip into it as yet. But why, Ida? Oughtn’t I to read him?
Ida. Well, from something Mr. Pinceney told me the other day—but really it’s too bad to repeat such things. One never knows, there may be nothing in it.
Flossie. Still, you might just as well tell me, Ida! Of course I should never dream——
Ida. After all, I don’t suppose there’s any secret about it. It seems, from what Mr. Pinceney says, that this Mr. Poshley—you must promise not to say I told you——
Flossie. Of course—of course. But do go on, Ida. What does Mr. Poshley do?
Ida. Well, it appears he splits his infinitives.
Flossie (horrified). Oh, not really! But how cruel of him! Why, I met him at the Dragnetts’ only last week, and he didn’t look at all that kind of person!
Ida. I’m afraid there’s no doubt about it. It’s perfectly notorious. And of course any one who once takes to that——
Flossie. Yes, indeed. Quite hopeless. At least, I suppose so. Isn’t it?
Ida. Mr. Pinceney seemed to think so.
Flossie. How sad! But can’t anything be done, Ida? Isn’t there any law to punish him? By the bye, how do you split—what is it?—infinitudes?
Ida. My dear, I thought you knew. I really didn’t like to ask any questions.
Flossie. Well, whatever it is, I shall tell Mudies not to send me anything more of his. I don’t think one ought to encourage such persons.
Two Very Different Personages.—“A society man” and “a secret society man.”
A PROTECTOR
“If you please, Miss Lilian, your mamma has sent the footman to see you home!”
EASIER SAID THAN DONE
Wife (to FitzJones, who, in trying to lay the cloth for the picnic on a windy day, has got among the crockery). “Just look what you’re doing, Archibald!”
EQUIVOCAL
Mrs. Blobbs. “I quite thought you had forgotten us, Miss Gusher.”
Miss Gusher. “Well, I have a bad memory for faces as a rule, but I should not be likely to forget yours!”