MAY FAIR NURSERY RHYMES
(For the Children of “Smart People”)
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong, what do I care!
I’ll sing you a nice little song of May Fair—
Five hundred people invited to meet
In a wee little house, in a wee little street—
Five hundred people all huddled together,
Discussing the faults of their friends and the weather—
One little pianist strumming an air,
No one to listen and no one to care—
One little lady attempting to sing,
Tears in the eyes of that poor little thing:
Up gets a man, sings, “Two lovely black eyes!”—
You might hear a pin drop—“Oh! what a surprise!”
For that is the music they like in May Fair.
Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong, what do I care!
Social Economy.—Mrs. Scrooge. “I’m writing to ask the Browns to meet the Joneses here at dinner, and to the Joneses to meet the Browns. We owe them both, you know.”
Mr. Scrooge. “But I’ve heard they’ve just quarrelled, and don’t speak!”
Mrs. Scrooge. “I know. They’ll refuse, and we needn’t give a dinner party at all!”
First Genius to Second Genius. “Why on earth do you do your hair in that absurd fashion, Smith?”
TANGIBLE
Second Groom (waiting at tea for the nonce, and handing thin bread-and-butter—sotto voce). “Clap two or three bits together, miss, then you’ll get a bite!”
A POST-OBIT
“There, Major, it’s the best likeness I ever had taken of me—and poor Fred never saw it!”
On coming out of church, General Sir Talbot de la Poer Sangrazul is so struck by the beauty of the afternoon sky, that he forgets to put on his hat, and Lady Jones (who is rather near-sighted) drops a penny into it!