DIVORCE MADE EASY
Dear Mr. Punch,
A writer in the St. James’s Gazette, dealing with the subject of the Divorce Laws, calmly proposes that in any revision of the code, which he strongly advocates, “women should be placed on the same footing with men.” Such a pestilent heresy of course provoked correspondence, and, as I have made a careful study of the subject, I beg to submit to you, sir, a few reasonable grounds for divorce, which this reformer will, I hope, include in his precious revised code.
A man should be allowed to obtain a divorce from his wife on all or any of the following grounds:—
1. If he sees anyone he likes better than his wife.
2. If his mother-in-law comes too often.
3. If his wife’s brother borrows money of him.
4. If she objects to his going to Paris without her.
5. If, knowing that he prefers the tops of the muffins at breakfast, she eats any of them.
6. If she hears him come in at four in the morning, when he has considerately taken off his boots to do so quietly.
7. If she refers to it.
8. If she ever says, “My dear, I think we’ve heard that story before.”
9. If she does not laugh consumedly whenever he tells a comic story.
10. If she objects to smoking.
11. If she is not civil to all his male friends.
12. And female ones.
There, sir, you have a dozen suggestions which I would commend to the attention of this law-reformer. You will observe I have not included any trivial reasons for divorce, and the procedure, as the St. James’s Gazette says, “should be as expeditious and inexpensive as possible.”
Yours faithfully,
A Tender Husband.
Turtle-Dove Terrace.
“Live and Learn.”—Magistrate. “Do you know the nature of an oath, my boy?”
Witness (promptly): “Yess, sir. Must take it, sir—’relse I can’t be ’memb’r o’ Parl’ment, sir!”