LIFTS TO LAZY LAWYERS
Q. What are first fruits?
A. Rhubarb and little green gooseberries.
Q. When is it necessary to commence a fresh suit?
A. When the other has become too ventilating or seedy.
Q. What is a release?
A. To exchange the society of your ugly aunt for that of your pretty cousin.
Q. What is a clerical error?
A. Preaching a three hours’ sermon.
Q. What is a settlement of a conveyance?
A. When an omnibus smashes a cab.
Q. What is the master’s general report?
A. That wages are too high.
Q. Is “What’s that to you,” deemed a sufficient answer?
A. It may be, or may not; but it is likely to be excepted to for impertinence.
Q. Describe the meaning of the term Nunc pro Tunc.
A. It is the general exclamation you make when you are run against by a clumsy person. It generally has the word “stupid” added—ex. gr., “Now then, stupid!”
Q. Give an instance of a “similiter”?
A. You’re another!
Q. What is the meaning of “putting yourself upon the country?”
A. Going to the workhouse.
Q. Where is the Great Seal kept?
A. In the Arctic Ocean. A small specimen may be seen at the Zoological Gardens.
Q. What are “breaches of trust”?
A. Trousers procured on tick.
Offender (in the course of lengthy explanation). “So I ses to the inspector as I were, as you might say, ill, ’an demanded to be examined by Doctor Jones, an’ the inspector ’e ses as ’ow I must see Doctor Smith, the police doctor. ‘No,’ I ses, ‘you may run me in,’ I ses, ‘but you ain’t goin’ to make me change my medical adviser!’”
Happy Thought.—Nervous Rider. “Look here, policeman! I give this horse in charge!”
[Puts rein in policeman’s hand, and bolts.