Michaelmas Term—Legal Examination
INTRODUCTORY QUESTIONS.
Q. Mention some of the principal law books which you have studied?—A.. Hoyle’s Laws of Whist, Cribbage, &c. The Rules of the Cricket Club; ditto of the Jockey Club.
Q. Have you attended any, and what, law lectures?—A. I have attended to many legal lectures, when I have been admonished by police magistrates for kicking up rows in the streets, pulling off knockers, &c.
COMMON LAW.
Q. What is a real action?—A. An action brought in earnest, and not by way of a joke.
Q. What are original writs?—A. Pothooks and hangers.
EQUITY AND CONVEYANCING.
Q. What are a bill and answer?—A. Ask my tailor.
Q. How would you file a bill?—A. I don’t know, but would lay a case before a blacksmith.
Q. What steps would you take to dissolve an injunction? A. I should put it into some very hot water, and let it remain there until it was melted.
Q. What are post-nuptial articles?—A. Children.
CRIMINAL LAW AND BANKRUPTCY.
Q. What is simple larceny?—A. Picking a pocket of a handkerchief, and leaving a purse of money behind.
Q. What is grand larceny.—A. The income-tax.
Odd-handed Justice.—First Ruffian. “Wot was I hup for, and wot ’ave I got? Well, I floor’d a woman and took ’er watch, and I’ve got two years and a floggin’.”
Second Ruffian. “Ha!—I flung a woman out o’ the top floor winder; an’ I’ve on’y got three months!”
First Ruffian. “Ah, but then she was yer wife!!”
BY A LAW STUDENT IN CHAMBERS
The days are gone when I used to seek
Refreshment and fun in the Henley Week,
But now all that is a thing of the past,
The pace at the time was too good to last.
Farewell to the straws and the flannel shirts,
Farewell to the house-boats, launches, and flirts,
Farewell to champagne cups and cigarettes,
To the gloves and the sweet things lost in bets;
In chambers, alas! I sit and groan,
Slaving, and writing, and waiting alone.
On parchment and paper with pen and ink
I draw the draughts that I cannot drink.
I’ll see if my chief is here … I’ll try.…
He’s off! To Henley?… hem!—So am I!!
A Testamentary Disposition.—Pater. “Now, my boy, I’ve been making my will, and I’ve left a very large property in trust for you. I merely wish to ask you if you’ve any suggestion to offer?”
Son. “Well, I don’t know that I have, sir—unless—hum”—(ponders)—“Quesh’n is—as things go nowadays, wouldn’t it be better to leave the property to the other f’llar, and—ah—’ppoint me the trustee?!!”