NO JOKE FOR A JURY
O poor jury, boxed, poor jury,
Three weeks odd, each day but one;
Rose impatience not to fury
Ere your weary task was done?
You were special, picked and chosen
For the nonce, were you, indeed.
But had one among your dozen,
Business of his own to heed?
Put an artist on an action,
Or a scribe as juror bind,
How shall that man help distraction,
From his duty, of his mind?
Thoughts of lost employment pressing
He can chase not, nor control
Fell anxiety, distressing,
If it were to save his soul.
If your case needs comprehension,
Litigants, your jury, then,
Must, to give it due attention,
Be composed of leisured men.
Swells in yachts life idly leading,
Fishing, hunting, shooting, who
Might, to work for bread not needing,
Sing, “We’ve got no work to do.”
THE REJECTED DESIGN FOR THE NEW LAW COURTS
“One anonymous architect has sent in a frantic design, which the commissioners have not chosen to exhibit.”—Times, Feb. 11, 1867.
Maritime Law.—The law of libel does not apply to a “running down” case. The parties are not in the same boat.
Question.—Can a process server legally be said to be a writualist?
Question every Magistrate ought to ask himself before going to Sleep.—“I wonder if I have committed myself in any way to-day?”
How to Prevent a Conspiracy from Leaking Out.—Let the plot thicken.
A Moral Phenomenon.—A barrister returning his fee.
Briefless Theory.—’Tis practice makes the barrister perfect.
“After you,” as the policeman ought to be allowed to say to the bubble-bank director.
Legal Quibble.—A barrister should cultivate a good temper, if he would succeed as a cross-examiner.
A CONTRAST
Mr. Bigwig, the eminent K.C., and his clerk.
In a County Court.—Judge (to Mr. Pettiphog, plaintiff’s solicitor). I really cannot see that you have proved the defendant’s means.
Mr. P. (excitedly, to defendant). No means! How did you get here, sir?
Defendant. I walked.
Mr. P. Where did you get the boots to walk in?
Defendant. I borrowed them.
Mr. P. (triumphantly). On what security, sir, on what security?
Defendant. On the fact that you had taken up the case against me.
[General merriment. No order.
Brief “Bags.”—Short trousers.
Drink for Lawyers.—The Wool-sack.
The Policeman’s Lady-Love.—Ar(e)abella.
The Jury Starvation System.—Q. What foreign institution does starving a jury approach the nearest to?
A. The Diet of Hungary.
A Case of Self-sacrifice.—Mrs. Grimes. “No, sir, Mr. Smith ain’t a-bin in ’is chambers not for a week, sir.”
Mr. Brown. “Oh! You’re sure now you know the gentleman I mean—Mr. Meldon Smith?”
Mrs. Grimes. “Hi knows ’im right enough. Wy, I does all ’is washin’ and mendin’ for ’im!”
AT THE SESSIONS
Counsel. “Do you know the nature of an oath, my good woman?”
Witness (with a black eye). “I did ought to, sir! Which my ’usban’ ’s a Covin’ Garden porter, sir!”
An Expensive Call to Pay.—A call to the Bar.
Legal Inquiry.—If I buy a pair of trousers warranted to wear well, and they turn out a failure, should I, on bringing an action for damages, be “non-suited,” or could I counterclaim damages for “breeches of promise”?
THE DELIGHTS OF TRIAL BY JURY
These gentlemen are expected to be in a judicial frame of mind after hanging about the precincts of the court for several days, under penalty of a heavy fine, while their private business in the city and elsewhere is going to the dogs. (Why should not half-pay officers do the work, and relieve busy men?)
Brief Authority.—A barrister’s.
The Division List.—Divorce Court causes.
Centre of Gravity.—A judge in court.
The Block of Legal Business.—The wig block.