PROFESSIONAL LOVE SONG
THE LAWYER.
Spinster of the Saxon beauty,
At the Grainthorpe Manor mill,
Of this heart you’ve had possession
Since I made my uncle’s will:
Yours the image all engrossing
When I try to read reports,
You, my Amy, am I drawing,
Even in the Chancery Courts.
Ah! that brow as smooth as—vellum—
Ah! those lips vermilion red—
Kisses wherewith I have sealed them
No one ever witnessèd:
I would sue the man who ventured
To deny you dressed with taste,
I would tax his costs who hinted
An “impeachment” of your waist.
Soon the long vacation’s coming,
Soon the weary term will end;
No more writs and affidavits,
No more actions to defend:
I shall take the first conveyance—
Train at five p.m.—express—
I shall count the sluggish moments—
Forty minutes, more or less.
Meet me, cousin, at the station
With the trap that’s duty free,
It can take my rods and gun-case,
We will walk, prochein Amy,
Past the glebe and old inclosure,
Past the deeply mortgaged inn,
On to where the freeholds finish
And the copyholds begin.
There I’ll make my declaration,
There I’ll pause and plead my suit;
Do not let it be “in error,”
Do not be of malice mute;
But “surrender” to your cousin
In the customary way,
And become the donee, dearest;
Of an opal negligée.
I’ve a messuage—recent purchase—
Sixty-eight in Mortmayne Row,
Title good, and unencumbered,
Gas and water laid below;
Come and share it, undisputed
Owner of this heart in fee,
Come and be my junior partner,
And in time we both may see,
Girls, fair copies of their mother,
Boys, the counterpart of me.
“A CLEAN BREAST OF IT”
The Magistrate. “Oh!—you admit making counterfeit money then?”
Prisoner (airily). “Well, the fact is, your washup, the supply o’ the genuine article is so extremely limited, and things generally are so very tight commercially, that a poor fellow must do something these times to turn an honest penny!”
“Brief let it be”—as the barrister said in his conference with the attorney.
Dignity under Difficulties.—Puffec’ Lidy (retiring from the public gaze for the 150th time). “Home, John!”