A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT THIS FESTIVE SEASON
Mamma. "Why, my dearest Albert, what are you crying for?—so good, too, as you have been all day!"
Spoiled Little Boy. "Boo-hoo! I've eaten so—m-much be-eef and t-turkey, that I can't eat any p-p-plum p-p-pudding!"
[Oh, what a very greedy little fellow.
A Modern Paris.—Schoolmaster. Now, boys, supposing that the goddesses Diana, Venus, and Juno were to appear before you, what would you do with this apple?
Brown Minimus. Please sir, I'd eat it before they asked for it?
A Point unsettled in History.—Lucy (to her elder sister who has just been relating a thrilling episode in the life of William Tell). And was the little boy allowed to eat the apple afterwards?
Master Tommy's Receipts.—(Household ginger beer.)—Empty the kitchen spice-box, two pounds of washing soda, a pint of petroleum, and all the wine left in the dining-room decanters over night, into the cistern, and stir freely in the dark with a mop from the staircase window. When the water comes in in the morning, the whole household will be supplied from every tap for four-and-twenty hours with capital ginger beer.
In Distress.—Mummy! Mummy! Come back! I'm frightened. Here's a horrid dog staring at me with his teeth.
Child (in berth of night steamer). "Mummy, I'm so sleepy. I want to go to bed." Mother. "But you are in bed dear." Child. "No, I'm not. I'm in a chest of drawers!"
The Force of Example.—(This is the second time that Madge has pricked her finger—the first time it bled so much that mamma felt quite faint, and had to drink a glass of sherry; now it's Jack's turn). Mamma. "Well, what's the matter with you, Jack?" Jack. "Oh! I feel rather faint, that's all. Is there such a thing as a bun in the house?"
The Festive Season.—Tommy (criticising the menu of the coming feast). "Very good! Tray bong! And look here, old man! Mind you put plenty of rum into the baba—Dolly and Molly like it, you know—and so do I!" Monsieur Cordonbleu (retained for the occasion). "Certainement, mon p'tit ami! But are you and ces demoiselles going to dine viz de compagnie?" Tommy. "Oh nong! But just ain't we going to sit on the stairs outside, that's all!"
At the Zoo.—Little Girl (after seeing many queer beasts). "But there aren't really such animals, nurse, are there?"
At the Christmas Party.—Uncle George. "Don't over-eat yourself, Jimmy, my boy. I never did when I was your age." Jimmy (sotto voce). "When did you begin, then?"
