AN EARLY PURITAN
Bobby (who sees his mamma in evening dress for the first time, and doesn't like it). "I'll write and tell papa!"
Gertie. "Oh, Mr. Brown, papa says that Mrs. Brown leads you by the nose. Is that why it's so long?"
At a Christmas Juvenile Party.—Aunt Florence. "I will find you a partner, Ethel, dear. Between ourselves, now, have you any choice?" Miss Ethel. "Well, auntie, I should prefer one with a moustache!"
A Cry from the Heart.—Little Dunce (looking up suddenly from her history book). "Oh, mummy, darling, I do so wish I'd lived under James the Second!" Mamma. "Why?" Little Dunce. "Because I see here that education was very much neglected in his reign!"
A Big Pill.—"What is it, my pet?" "Oh, mum—mummy—I dreamt I'd sw-swallowed myself. Have I?"
Hostess. "What would you like to eat, Effie?" Effie. "Cake." Mother (reprovingly). "Effie! Effie! What is the word you've forgotten? Pl——" Effie. "Pl—um!"
Overheard at the Zoo.—(A fact.)—Small child (pointing to the hippopotamus). Oh, mother, look at that big frog going to have a bath!
Better-informed parent. That isn't a frog, yer silly. It's a crocydile!
Infant Agonies.—Small boy. Auntie! Auntie! Has goosegogs got legs?
Auntie. No!
Small boy. Boo-hoo-hoo! then I've been and swollered—a beastie!
Inadequate Hospitality.—"Well, Guy, did you enjoy the party?
"Yes, mummy; but I'm so hungry. There was only a now and then tea, you know; with no chairs, and no grace!"
Nature's Logic.—Papa. How is it, Alice, that you never get a prize at school?
Mamma. And that your friend, Louisa Sharp, gets so many?
Alice (innocently). Ah! Louisa Sharp has got such clever parents!
"Fiat Experimentum," &c.—Scene—A Christmas family gathering at a country house. Old Bachelor Guest (violently awakened out of his morning snooze.) "Who'sh there?" The Grandchildren (shouting in chorus, and banging at his door). "Oh, Mr. Bulkley—please—Mr. Bulkley—do get up—and go on the pond—'pa says—'cause—gran'ma says—we may—if it'll bear you—it'll bear us!"
