MISUNDERSTOOD
Mild Old Gentleman rescues a bun which child has dropped in the mud.
Child (all aglow with righteous indignation). "That's my bun!"
True Sentiment.—"I'm writing to Mrs. Montague, Georgie—that pretty lady you used to take to see your pigs. Haven't you some nice message to send her?"
"Yes, mummie; give her my love, and say I never look at a little black pig now without thinking of her!"
Chemist. "Pills, eh?" (Emphasising question) "Anti-bilious?"
Child (readily). "No, sir; uncle is!"
Mother. "Now, dear, why don't you run away and give grandpa a kiss?" Child (somewhat nonplussed by grandpapa's moustache and beard). "I don't see any place for it, mamma!"
"Sauce for the Goose," &c.—Ethel. "Mummy dear, why did you tell Richard you 'weren't at home' just now?" (Pause.) "Mummy, I mean——" Mamma. "When Sir Fusby Dodderidge called? Why, Ethel dear, because he bores me." Ethel. "Oh!" (After thoughtfully considering the matter with regard to her governess). "Then may I say I'm not at home when Miss Krux calls to-morrow? for she bores me awfully?"
At the Rink.—Little Girl. "Oh, Captain Sprawler, do put on your skates, and show me the funny figures you can make." Captain S. "My dear child, I'm only a beginner. I can't make any figures." Little Girl. "But Mabel said you were skating yesterday, and cut a ridiculous figure!"
A Little Knowledge.—Daisy (who has been studying Chrysanthemums).—Maisy, do you know what's a Double Begonia?
Maisy (who has been studying the Classics).—"Double Big-onia"? Yes! Of course, it's the plural of one big onion.
Maidenly Etiquette.—Little Chris (ætat eight). I've a birthday party on Thursday, Evie. I should like you to come.
Little Evie (ætat nine). I should love to, dear.
Little Chris. But I couldn't, you know, unless you asked me to tea first.
In the Library.—Tommy. How beautifully those books is binded!
Little Dot. No, Tommy, that's wrong. You mustn't say "binded"; you should say, "are bounded."
Superlative Assurance.—Papa (To Little Chris). I can't quite understand you. Was it Mr. Jones, or Mr. David Jones, or Mr. Griffith Jones, whom you met?
Little Chris (stoutly). All I know is, it was the third eldest Mr. Jones.
Mabel (stroking kitten, a new present). "Mother, kitty's so hot! Ought she to sit so near the fire?" (Kitten purrs.) "Oh, mother, listen! She's beginning to boil!"
A Virtue of Necessity.—Aunt Maria. What a good little boy to leave your little friends to come with a poor old auntie like me.
Master Douglas. Oh, mother always makes us do nasty things and things we don't like.
Master Tommy's Receipts.—(The Fair Weather Barometer.) This is a pleasing and simple experiment. The mercury is removed, and divided in equal portions between the cat, the parrot next door, and the interior of grandpapa's forty-guinea repeater. This may cause some local disturbance, but the barometer, relieved of undue pressure, and set at "very dry," may be relied on to indicate, without further attention, permanent fair weather.
At the Board School.—Inspector. Now, can any of you children state what is likely to be the future of China?
One Maiden (after a pause). Please sir, father says that China's like him.
Inspector. Like him! What do you mean?
The Maiden. Sure to be broken by the force of circumstances.
[Class dismissed immediately.
