TAKING TIME BY THE FORELOCK
Gwendoline. "Uncle George says every woman ought to have a profession, and I think he's quite right!"
Mamma. "Indeed! And what profession do you mean to choose?"
Gwendoline. "I mean to be a professional beauty!"
EXPERIENTIA DOCET.—Master George (whispers). "I say! Kitty! Has mamma been telling you she'd give you 'a lovely spoonful of delicious currant jelly, O so nice, so VERY nice'?" Miss Kitty. "Ess Cullen' jelly! O so ni', so welly ni'!" Master George. "THEN DON'T TAKE IT!!"
Evil Communications, &c.—Elder of Twins. "It's very vulgar to say 'you be blowed' to each other, like those men do. Isn't it, Uncle Fred?" Uncle Fred. "I believe it is generally considered so, my dear!" Elder of Twins. "Yes, indeed! Ethel and I, you know, we always say, 'you be blown!'"
Mens Conscia.—Inspector (who notices a backwardness in history). "Who signed Magna Charta?" (No answer.) Inspector (more urgently). "Who signed Magna Charta?" (No answer.) Inspector (angrily). "Who signed Magna Charta?" Scapegrace (thinking matters are beginning to look serious). "Please, sir, 'twasn't me, sir!!"
"Trop de Zele!"—(Tommy, a conscientious boy, has been told that he must remain perfectly still, as his mamma wants to take a nap.) (Tommy in the middle of the nap). "Mamma! Mamma! what shall I do? I want to cough!"
