LOVE AND COURTSHIP
(As they appear from certain Answers to Correspondents)
Vanitas.—You are not bound to tell him. If the bright golden colour of your naturally dark hair is due to the excellent preparation recommended in another column, and he tells you he does not admire dark girls, why not keep on? The bottles are really quite cheap at nineteen and eleven. Of course, if it weighs upon your conscience, you might give him a hint, but he will probably talk about deceit, and behave in the brutally outspoken male manner so many readers complain of.
Amelia.—Have you not been rather indiscreet? You should never let him see you cry before you are married. Afterwards it has its uses.
Blanche Amory.—Cheer up. As you very cleverly put it, history does repeat itself. You are now once more in a position to undertake a further instalment of Mes Larmes. No. We are overstocked with poetry. The man, of course, is beneath contempt.
Two Strings.—Your fiancé must be a perfect Othello. It is, as you justly remark, monstrous that he should object to your cousin seven times removed taking you to the theatre once or twice a week. Of course he is a relative.
Sweet-and-Twenty.—Your remarks about tastes in common are perfectly correct. So long as you both collect postcards you will always be able to give pleasure to each other at a distance.
Business Girl.—If you have found out that he only gave twenty-five pounds for your engagement ring, it may be, as you shrewdly observe, that he has a contract with the tradesman for a periodical supply of such articles. The fact that his income is under a hundred a year makes it only the more probable that he would adopt such an arrangement for economy's sake. Be very careful.
Pitti-Sing.—Your only course is to box his ears. Let us know how you get on.
Bellona.—Sorry to disappoint you, but this is not the place to describe the undress uniform of the Grenadier Guards.
H'M!
Stern Father. "What an unearthly hour that young fellow stops till every night, Doris. What does your mother say about it?"
Daughter. "She says men haven't altered a bit, pa."
THE BABES IN THE WOOD
Ernest. "I see you are getting on, foreman."
Foreman. "Yes, sir; we shall have the walls plastered to-morrow."
Agatha. "Oh, Ernest, don't let's have plaster! You never see it now; everybody has wall-papers, and you can get lovely ones quite cheap!"