REFLECTIONS ON A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT
We parted—cheerfully! Yet now
I've fallen into disrepute
With nearly all her friends, who vow
That she's an angel, I'm a brute;
Black isn't black enough for me
My conduct will not bear inspection—
A statement which I hold to be
Fair food for critical reflection.
We parted. The consummate ease
With which "united hearts" can range
From their allegiance, if they please,
But illustrates the laws of change.
The thoughts and tastes of yester year
Fall under Father Time's correction—
This is not critical, I fear,
But platitudinous reflection!
We parted. She had quite a pack
Of friends, "nice boys," as she avowed;
She called them Bob, and Dick, and Jack,
And I was—one amongst the crowd.
I did not, people may infer,
Possess entire her young affection—
Yet, be it understood, on her
I cast no shadow of reflection!
We parted. Men cannot persist—
In playing uncongenial parts—
I was a keen philatelist,
Her hobby was collecting—hearts
A simple case. I did not pine
To add my heart to her collection,
She had no stamps to add to mine,
We parted—wisely, on reflection!
Curious Distinction.—The English love; the French make love.—Madame Punch.
Mr. Grumble. "I see by the paper that Mount Vesuvius is in eruption."
Mrs. G. "Oh, I'm so glad!"
Mr. G. "There you are again, Maria. Now why on earth should you be glad?"
Mrs. G. "Well, you can't blame me for it that's all!"
OLD FRIENDS
He. "Do you remember your old school-friend Sophy Smythe?"
She. "Yes, indeed, I do. A most absurd-looking thing. So silly too! What became of her?"
He. "Oh, nothing. Only—I married her."
IN THE SAME BOAT
"I don't think she's pretty."
"Neither do I." (After a pause.) "Did she refuse you too?"
Great Expectations.—Ethel (youngest daughter). "Oh, pa dear, what did Geo—— what did young Mr. Brown want?" Pa. "Secret, my love. 'Wished to speak to me privately!" Ethel. "Oh, pa, but do tell me—'cause he was so very attentive to me before you came in—and then asked me to leave the room." Pa. "Well, my dear"—(in a whisper)—"he'd left his purse at the office, and wanted to borrow eighteenpence to pay his train home!"
"Sharp's the Word!"—Wife. "Poor mamma is dreadfully low-spirited this morning, George. Only think—she has just expressed a wish to be cremated!" Husband (with alacrity). "'O'b-less my——" (Throwing down his newspaper.) "Tell her to put her things on, dear! I'll—I'll drive her over at once!!"
ON THE CARDS
Young Wife. "Oh, mamma, do you know I believe Alfred's going to reform, and give up gambling!"
Her Mother. "What makes you think so, dear?"
Young Wife. "Why all last night he kept talking in his sleep about his miserable, worthless heart!"
LOOKING AFTER THE CHAPS