WHAT TO WEAR ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.
(By a Confirmed and Cantankerous Celibate)
Married in white,
You have hooked him all right.
Married in grey,
He will ne'er get away.
Married in black,
He will wish himself back.
Married in red,
He will wish himself dead.
Married in green,
His true colour is seen.
Married in blue,
He will look it, not you.
Married in pearl,
He the distaff will twirl.
Married in yellow,
Poor fellow! Poor fellow!
Married in brown,
Down, down, derry down.
Married in pink,
To a slave he will sink.
Married in crimson,
He'll dangle your whims on.
Married in buff,
He will soon have enough.
Married in scarlet,
Poor victimised varlet!
Married in violet, purple, or puce,
It doesn't much matter, they all mean—the deuce!
A CASE OF GREAT INTEREST AT SOUTH KENSINGTON MUSEUM
STUDY FROM LIFE
A ROMANCE OF ROAST DUCKS
"My darling, will you take a little of the—a—the stuffing?"
"I will, dear, if you do; but if you don't, I won't."
The Real Fall of Man.—Falling in love!
Qualifying a Sweeping Assertion.—Sophie (after hearing about Frank). "I declare I shall not believe a word a man says to me. They're all liars!" Beatrice. "For shame, Sophie!" Sophie (regretfully). "At least all the nice ones are!"
INGRATITUDE
Brown. "Why doesn't Walker stop to speak? Thought he knew you!"
Smith. "Used to; but I introduced him to the girl he married. Neither of them recognises me now!"
Advice to Young Housekeepers.—Put your washing out if you do not wish your husband to be put out.
CONGRUOUS COUPLES.
If there's a well-matched pair in married life
It is a horsey man and nagging wife.
Apt Illustration.—Idealism and Realism: Courtship and Marriage.
Far from it.—The woman who is bent on marrying a man because he is a lion, should remember that it does not necessarily follow that she will become a lioness.
Over-Scrupulous.—"My husband is Vicar of St. Boniface—but I don't attend his church." "Indeed! How is that?" "The fact is, I—I don't approve of married clergymen!"
"Home Rule."—Petticoat government.
CALF-LOVE
Calf-love is a passion most people scorn,
Who've loved, and outlived, life and love's young morn;
But there is a calf-love too common by half,
And that's the love of the Golden Calf!
HE HAD BEEN KICKED OUT ONCE
She. "Wot time be you a-coming round to-night, Jock?"
Jock. "What time does y'r old man put 'is slippers on?"
Mrs. Naggleton's Advice to a Wife.—Defiance, not defence.
Long Odds.—Tall husband and short wife.