WORDS TO A WIFE
Love, thou'rt like yet unlike mutton,
Likewise beef, and veal, and lamb.
Do not answer that the glutton
I bespeak me that I am.
They in price, year after year, are
Rising, thou must needs allow;
Butcher's meat grows ever dearer:
So, and yet not so, dost thou.
For although my annual payment
To my butcher waxeth still,
Less and less each time for raiment,
Wanes thy linendraper's bill.
Thus by thrift expense thou meetest;
Whence thy wisdom doth appear:
Also, that I find thee, sweetest,
Cheaper still and still more dear.
Æsthetics of Dress.—Customer (he has been bidden to a wedding, and can't make up his mind in the matter of trouser patterns, but at last says). "O, there! that'll do, I sh'd think!" Tailor. "Pardon me, sir; if you are going to be 'best man,' the shade is hardly tender enough!"
TURTLE-DOVETAILING
["The latest development of phrenological enterprise is the establishment of a phrenological matrimonial bureau, to secure the introduction of persons desiring to be married to partners with suitable or harmonious phrenological endowments."—Daily Paper.]
Miss Evergreen (who has been introduced to Mr. Slowboy). "Well, it may be a lovely head, but ain't he got a big bump of cautiousness!"