A DRY CALLING
"Th' ole squire stop an' spoke to me this marnin'; an' Oi ast 'im 'ow Master Philip was gettin' on in Lunnon. 'Oh,' says 'e, ''e 's bin called to the Bar.' Oi dunno wot 'e meant, so Oi didn' say nothin'; but Oi says to meself, 'Ah,' Oi says, 'from what Oi remember of 'im, 'e didn' want no callin'!'"
Accommodating.—Old Lady. "Now then, what do you want?" The Tramp. "I ain't pertickler, lady. What 'av' yer got?"
The Vicar's Daughter. "Papa was very shocked, Giles, to see you standing outside the 'Green Man' this morning, after church."
The Village Reprobate. "Oi can 'sure ye, miss, it wus na fault o' moine that I wus standin' ootside!">[
"I'm surprised to find that you keep a dog, Tomkins! Why, you can barely keep your wife! What on earth do you feed him on?"
"Well, I gives 'im cat's-meat. And when I can't afford that, why, 'e 'as to 'ave wot we 'ave."
Mrs. A. "I've just been to see a poor soul who was almost dying of destitution." Miss B. "Did you take her anything?" Mrs. A. "Yes—a pound of mutton." Miss B. "That wasn't much, was it?" Mrs. A. (indignantly). "Quite enough to make her some beef tea!"
"Tell your fortune, pretty gentleman?"
"Fond of music! Why, when I'm in town, I go to a music-hall every night!"
A Sure Sign of Improvement.—Village Doctor. "Well Scroggins, I hope your wife is much better to-day, eh? How is her pulse, eh? And how's her temperature?"
Scroggins (considering). "Well, doctor, I don't know much about her pulses, but as for her temper"—(feelingly)—"she's got a plenty of that to-day!"
