A YORKSHIRE GOSSIP
First Gossip. "So you was nivver axed tu t'funeral?"
Second Gossip. "Nivver as much as inside t'house. But nobbut; wait till we hev' a funeral of us own, an' we'll show 'em!"
Parson. "Why, John, what are you doing there?"
John. "I be too wet to work, zur."
Parson.. "Well, if it's too wet to work, why don't you go home?"
John. "Wull, my old 'ooman, she do jaw so!"
Young Lady. "Can you tell me the nearest way to get to Pulham from here?"
Sweep. "Well, miss, I'm going there meself. So, if yer jump in, I'll drive yer!"
First Village Dame. "Did I bring you back that basket you lent me last week?"
Second Dame (emphatically). "No, indeed, you did not."
First Dame. "That's a pity, for I just came round to borrow it again!"
"Here in cool grot and mossy cell
We rural fays and fairies dwell!"
Hard on the Doctor—Old Lady. "My 'usband 'e never did 'old with doctors, and 'e wouldn't let me send for yer till 'e was real bad. What's wrong with him, doctor?" Doctor. "Mainly senility, Mrs. Wilkins." Old Lady. "Lor' now! An' I dessay 'e wouldn't 'ave 'ad it if 'e'd 'ad yer soon enough!"
"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."—Hamlet.
(Heard outside a Country Circus.)
Old Jarge. "Wen ye sees wot comes from furrin parts, bless yer 'eart, ye just feels like a bit o' dirt!"
"Did ye see the Lord Mayor when you was up to Lunnon?"
"Aye, lad, I did."
"De' 'e gang aboot wi' a chain?"
"No; 'e gangs loose!"
Miss Hobbs (who dislikes tobacco). "I see you are at your idol again!"
Smoker. "Yes; I'm burning it!"
