THE SONG OF BIG BEN.
SHOULD you ask me why these columns
Filled with words of many speakers—
Why this record of their doings,
With their frequent repetitions,
Their inane deliberations,
And their aggravating dulness?
I should answer, I should tell you,
"That I write them as I hear them,
As I hear, and as I see them;—
That the world may learn what happens
In the painted, gilded chamber,
In the chapel of St. Stephen's,
At the House of Talkee-Talkee,
Where, upon the woolsack, patient,
Lolls the Chancellor, hard-headed,
Where, enthroned above the table,
Sadly sits and broods the Speaker."
Should you ask me why he sits there?
I should answer, I should tell you,
"'Tis because the people will it;
'Tis because they send up members
Who will talk for moons together;
Nought accomplishing, yet spouting,
Like the dolphin, Mishe-no-zha,
Weak and watery stuff for ever."
If still further you should ask me,
Saying "But what do these members,
And the many like unto them,
In the House of Talkee-Talkee?"
I should answer your enquiry
Straightway in such words as follow:—
"Much they love to hear their voices
Talking rubbish at all seasons:
Many 'mongst them seize all chances
For the riding of their hobbies;
Ride them late and ride them early,
Ride them through the Standing Orders;
Ride them without bit or bridle,
Knowing not, nor caring whither."
And if once again you query,
Saying, "Is this all they do there?"
I should answer your fresh query,
I should meet your new conundrum
Right away in some such fashion
As the following, for instance,
I should tell you, "There are many
Who will bide their time with patience,
Knowing that to them by waiting
Will come all the things they long for.
That M.P. means oft More Power;
That 'twill bring them briefs and clients,
Make them 'guinea-pigs' and chairmen,
Knight them, maybe, in the future;
Or ennoble them if only
They will spend their money freely
For the party they belong to."
If you really had the conscience
To make any more enquiries,
I would answer, I should tell you
Not to ask more leading questions,
But to wait and read these columns.
In these records find your answers,
In these lines replies discover.