Act II
Scene.—The hall of Hardcastle's house. Marlow and Hastings have just arrived at the supposed inn, and the supposed innkeeper is paying hospitable attention to their belongings. Enter Marlow and Hastings.
Hastings: Upon my word, a very well-looking house; antique, but creditable.
Marlow: The usual fate of a large mansion. Having just ruined the master by good housekeeping, it at last comes to levy contributions as an inn.
Hastings: Good and bad, you have lived pretty much among them; and yet, with all your experience you have never acquired any show of assurance. How shall you behave to the lady you have come down to visit?
Marlow: As I behave to all other ladies. A barmaid, or a milliner—but to me a modest woman dressed out in her finery is the most tremendous object in creation. An impudent fellow may counterfeit modesty, but I'll be hanged if a modest man can counterfeit impudence. I shall bow very low, answer yes and no, and I don't think I shall venture to look her in the face. The fact is, I have really come down to forward your affair, not mine. Miss Neville loves you, the family don't know you, as my friend you are sure of a reception, and——Here comes mine host to interrupt us.
[Enter Hardcastle.
Hardcastle: Heartily welcome once more, gentlemen; which is Mr. Marlow? Sir, you are heartily welcome.
Marlow: He has got our names from the servants
already.
[Marlow and Hastings converse together, ostentatiously ignoring Hardcastle's attempts to join in with a story of Marlborough at the siege of Denain.
Marlow: My good friend, a glass of that punch would help us to carry on the siege.
Hardcastle: Punch sir! (Aside) This is the most unaccountable kind of modesty I ever met with. Well, here, Mr. Marlow, here's to our better acquaintance.
Marlow: A very impudent fellow, but a character;
I'll humour him. Sir, my service to you. (They drink.)
Well, now, what have you in the house for supper?
Hardcastle: For supper! (Aside) Was ever such a request to a man in his own house!
Marlow: Yes, sir; supper. I begin to feel an appetite.
Hardcastle: Sure, such a brazen dog——Sir, I believe the bill of fare is drawn out; you shall see it. (The menu is produced and discussed in scathing terms. Then Marlow insists on seeing himself that the beds are properly aired.) Well, sir, I will attend you. This may be modern modesty, but I never saw anything so like old-fashioned impudence.
[Exeunt Hardcastle and Marlow.
Hastings: This fellow's civilities begin to grow troublesome. (Enter Miss Neville.) Miss Neville, by all that's happy!
Miss Neville: My dear Hastings!
Hastings: But how could I have hoped to meet my dearest Constance at an inn?
Miss Neville: An inn! You mistake. My aunt, my guardian, lives here. How could you think this house an inn?
Hastings: My friend, Mr. Marlow, and I were directed hither by a young fellow——
Miss Neville: One of my hopeful cousin's tricks.
Hastings: We must keep up the deception with Marlow; else he will fly.
Hastings has planned to elope with Miss Neville; she wishes first to get into her own hands her jewelry, which is in Mrs. Hardcastle's possession. As they complete their plot Marlow enters.
Hastings: My dear Marlow, the most fortunate event! Let me present Miss Constance Neville. She and Miss Hardcastle have just alighted to take fresh horses. Miss Hardcastle will be here directly. Isn't it fortunate?
Marlow: Oh, yes; very fortunate, a most joyful encounter; but our dresses, George! To-morrow will be every bit as convenient. Let it be to-morrow.
Hastings: Pshaw, man! Courage, courage! It is but the first plunge.
[Enter Kate as from a walk. Hastings introduces them.
Kate (after a pause): I am glad of your safe arrival, sir. I am told you had some accidents by the way.
Marlow: A few, madam. Yes, we had some. Yes, a good many. But should be sorry, madam—I mean glad—of any accidents that are so agreeably concluded. George, sure you won't go?
Hastings: You don't consider, man, that we are to manage a little tête-à-tête of our own.
[Exeunt Hastings and Miss Neville.
Marlow: I am afraid, madam, I—hem—grow tiresome.
Kate: Not at all, sir; there is nothing I like so much as grave consideration. You were going to observe——
Marlow: I was about to observe, madam—I was—I protest, I forgot——
Kate: Something about hypocrisy—this age of hypocrisy.
Marlow: Ah, yes. In this age of hypocrisy there are few who—a—a—— But I see Miss Neville expects us; shall I——
Kate: I'll follow you. If I could teach him a little confidence!
[Exeunt.
Mrs. Hardcastle, Miss Neville, Hastings and Tony enter. In pursuance of their plot, Constance engages Tony in a determined flirtation, to his extreme disgust, while Hastings wins the heart of Mrs. Hardcastle by extravagant flatteries. On the pretext of bringing the "dear, sweet, pretty, provoking, undutiful boy" to a better mind, Hastings gets rid of the ladies, and then offers to take Miss Neville off Tony's hands. Tony joyfully engages to help the elopement, and procure Miss Neville's jewels.