GENEROSITY
"This is a foine country, Bridget!" exclaimed Norah, who had but recently arrived in the United States. "Sure, it's generous everybody is. I asked at the post-office about sindin' money to me mither, and the young man tells me I can get a money order for $10 for 10 cents. Think of that now!"
At one of these reunions of the Blue and the Gray so happily common of late, a northern veteran, who had lost both arms and both legs in the service, caused himself to be posted in a conspicuous place to receive alms. The response to his appeal was generous and his cup rapidly filled.
Nobody gave him more than a dime, however, except a grizzled warrior of the lost cause, who plumped in a dollar. And not content, he presently came that way again and plumped in another dollar.
The cripple's gratitude did not quite extinguish his curiosity. "Why," he inquired, "do you, who fought on the other side, give me so much more than any of those who were my comrades in arms?"
The old rebel smiled grimly. "Because," he replied, "you're the first Yank I ever saw trimmed up just to suit me."
At dinner one day, it was noticed that a small daughter of the minister was putting aside all the choice pieces of chicken and her father asked her why she did that. She explained that she was saving them for her dog. Her father told her there were plenty of bones the dog could have so she consented to eat the dainty bits. Later she collected the bones and took them to the dog saying, "I meant to give a free will offering but it is only a collection."
A little newsboy with a cigarette in his mouth entered a notion store and asked for a match.
"We only sell matches," said the storekeeper.
"How much are they?" asked the future citizen.
"Penny a box," was the answer.
"Gimme a box," said the boy.
He took one match, lit the cigarette, and handed the box back over the counter, saying, "Here, take it and put it on de shelf, and when anodder sport comes and asks for a match, give him one on me."
Little Ralph belonged to a family of five. One morning he came into the house carrying five stones which he brought to his mother, saying:
"Look, mother, here are tombstones for each one of us."
The mother, counting them, said:
"Here is one for father, dear! Here is one for mother! Here is brother's! Here is the baby's; but there is none for Delia, the maid."
Ralph was lost in thought for a moment, then cheerfully cried:
"Oh, well, never mind, mother; Delia can have mine, and I'll live!"
She was making the usual female search for her purse when the conductor came to collect the fares.
Her companion meditated silently for a moment, then, addressing the other, said:
"Let us divide this Mabel; you fumble and I'll pay."