GRATITUDE
After O'Connell had obtained the acquittal of a horse-stealer, the thief, in the ecstasy of his gratitude, cried out, "Och, counsellor, I've no way here to thank your honor; but I wish't I saw you knocked down in me own parish—wouldn't I bring a faction to the rescue?"
Some people are never satisfied. For example, the prisoner who complained of the literature that the prison angel gave him to read.
"Nutt'n but continued stories," he grumbled. "An I'm to be hung next Tuesday."
It was a very hot day and a picnic had been arranged by the United Society of Lady Vegetarians.
They were comfortably seated, and waiting for the kettle to boil, when, horror of horrors! a savage bull appeared on the scene.
Immediately a wild rush was made for safety, while the raging creature pounded after one lady who, unfortunately, had a red parasol. By great good fortune she nipped over the stile before it could reach her. Then, regaining her breath, she turned round.
"Oh, you ungrateful creature!" she exclaimed. "Here have I been a vegetarian all my life. There's gratitude for you!"
Miss PASSAY—"You have saved my life, young man. How can I repay you? How can I show my gratitude? Are you married?"
YOUNG MAN—"Yes; come and be a cook for us."