Betty’s Better Batter

Betty Botter bought some butter,

“But,” she said, “this butter’s bitter.

If I put it in my batter,

It will make my batter bitter.

But a bit of better butter

Will make my batter better.”

So she bought a bit o’ butter

Better than the bitter butter,

And made her bitter batter better.

So ’twas better Betty Botter

Bought a bit of better butter.

Seeing Los Angeles

By JACK ANDREWS

Rubbernecking via the bally-ho wagons has received a terrible set-back in the beautiful city of the Angels. No more will the gossip-hungry tourists be fed on the scandal of the movie colony from a megaphone in the hands of a husky-voiced “spieler.” An edict has gone forth forbidding these caterers to wet the appetites of the unlearned and seeking visitors of Los Angeles to exploit the “affairs” of the celebrities in press agent fashion.

Los Angeles officials contend that it is no nice way to entertain their guests where skeletons are said to exist in every closet in Hollywood.

There is no question but what the moving picture business has a lot of deserving people in it, and some of the most admirable characters to be found are of the cinema crowd, but we have recently had a few stellar lights before the international eye in roles that were disgusting.

Here are some of the utterances the city fathers say should be dispensed with:

“To your right, folks, is the home of Charlie, now used exclusively by Mildred and her mother, who is also her business manager.”

“On your left is the home of Lottie, sister of Mary, who has a standing offer to fight any woman in the business.”

“Jack, who is also one of the family, was living in the bungalow on yonder hill before his wife came back from New York. He left for Arkansas on the advice of his doctor the day before she arrived. He was also in the service during the war.”

“Now folks this beautiful chateau on the right covering ten acres is the possession of an illiterate cow-puncher, whose salary is greater than the President’s.”

“To your left is the former home of Mable, when she wasn’t at Vernon, and who is credited with staging a “come-back” after the star of Sennett passed below her horizon.”

“The one who was once called “America’s Sweetheart” used to live in sweet simplicity in the white bungalow on the right. She used to be the idol of all children, but the page of her book is closed that the youth should learn aright.”

Is it any wonder that these “rubberneck” wagons did a thriving business in Los Angeles? It is said that each “spieler” tried to outrival his competitor and from all reports the tourists were well supplied with scandal.

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Girls should remember that when they confide in a married woman they are probably confiding in her husband also.

Whiz Bang Bunk

As you show so shall we peep.

* * *

A shimmy dancer has to struggle for a living.

* * *

Many a rough neck is hidden by a silk collar.

* * *

Be it ever so homely there’s no face like your own.

* * *

You can’t feather your nest running after chickens.

* * *

Keeping whisky in your home is no crime—it’s an art.

* * *

Never slap children on the face; Nature provides a more suitable place.

* * *

Close the saloon and save the boys; close the garage and save the girls.

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