January First

The other day Adam approached Peter at the pearly gates and said:

“I should very much like, Peter, to get a pass the first of the year to revisit my old haunts on earth.”

“Nothing doing, Adam. You started too much trouble down there when you were a young man.”

“Aw, Pete, be a good sport and let me go.”

“What do you want to go down there for anyhow?”

“I want to turn over a new leaf.”

* * *

Gus, our hired man, one of those lucky birds that had imbibed rather too freely of the sacred liquid, had fallen into a watering trough. When I tried to help him as he floundered about, he said: “Offzer, I ken save m’self, you save the womin’n shildern.”

* * *