Spooky Stuff
At a seance the other evening the spiritualists were telling of their experiences with residents of other worlds. One man told of conversing with a ghost, another had dined with one. A woman declared she had shaken hands with a departed friend, and others followed suit until it seemed they had exhausted the list of possible activities with spirits.
“We have heard the testimonials of the circle,” said the medium, “but so far nobody has told of being in love with a ghost. Is there anyone here who has had that interesting experience? Has anyone ever loved a ghost?”
“I have, lady,” said an Irishman in the rear of the room.
“Step right up in front, I am sure everybody will be interested in your experience,” said the medium. “In all my life I’ve never heard of an instance of a human loving a ghost.”
“Hell!” sputtered the Irishman, “I thought you said a goat!”
Sissified Flirts
Our Hollywood and Universal City writer is very indignant this month. It appears he attended a movie ball in Los Angeles and was pestered by divan dearies, and so he shoots us a red-hot opinion of these sissies, together with some spicy gossip of the dressing rooms.
By RICHMOND
The male sissified flirt is becoming more and more a social pest. One is liable to bump into this queer creature at any social function, regardless of its exclusiveness.
Let us dwell for a moment upon the great masque ball recently held under auspices of theatrical people at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles. It is the latest creation in behalf of the wealthy tourist who visits Southern California.
In this huge pile, which somewhat resembles a great depot, in depth of its long corridors and maze of shops and stands, a scene of merriment occurred that has not been rivalled in the history of winter tropics.
The affair was stopped, it is understood, by order of the hotel management, when word freely was passed that by some hook or crook booze was to be had on an upper floor. Just how booze might get into a great hotel and gradually cause the dance to become rather flushed may have been a problem that puzzled and nettled those responsible for the good name of the house so far as Uncle Sam is concerned. At any event the fiddlers left and the impression went about that the hotel people weren’t going to stand for the party getting rough.
Into the main dining-room, before the evening was well started, two of our leading male comedians strode, both with an ill-concealed bottle protruding from the usual pocket. One of these comedians is a heavy gentleman and a jolly one. The other is gaining fame as a comedian because he never is known to smile.
Just what was in the bottles cannot be proved, but the incident caused some words of criticism from other members of the movie colony, who figured the boys were “putting it on” a little too strong in view of the assemblage present, ever ready to declare that the “movies” are impossible.
But these two cheerful individuals, at the worst, were only mistaken if they really intended to show off or be funny or daring. Many a person present would have been glad to join them, in consideration of their hip pocket protrusion. Yet the occasion, the time, the place, and so on, made it seem a bit garish.
But what about the rouge-soaked males in feminine attire, and displaying toe to hip extremes, garbed in lace tights, whose every movement, look and word indicated absence of the masculine instinct as they pranked and tripped about the ballroom floor, mingling with dainty women and stalwart males who moved uneasily away as the queer folk swung simpering and smirking among them?
Take the two merry boys with the bottles in the main dining-room, a little wild, perhaps, and making somewhat of a show—but, withal, regular men taking a lark as they found it—maybe somewhat “lit up,” but exuding rough masculinity in their uncouth playfulness. To be censured?
One regular he-man, or a party of them, invaded under ordinary circumstances by queer-acting customers, would make short shift of “sissy simps” and abide by the consequences—there being small reason to fear consequences. But a public gathering is different.
By the way, Mildred Harris (Charlie’s used-to-be) led the Grand March with Earl Williams. It is remembered that Williams recently, after his marriage, paid a certain lady a sum (reputed to be $40,000) as a result of a friendship which existed prior to the picture star’s entrance into matrimony.
They are getting to be very businesslike, these ladies. They give, but demand payment at times. But if Earl Williams parted with $40,000, his partner in the dance, fair Mildred, was rejoicing in a little sum of $200,000 or so, which is the amount Charles is said to have settled upon her when they parted at the ways.
Bookkeeping on the leaders of the Grand March, it would appear that Earl and Mildred, between them, were $160,000 ahead of the matrimonial deal, figuring Earl’s loss of $40,000 and Mildred’s winnings of two hundred grand.
Mary and Doug did not mingle with the ballroom dancers to any extent. They are largely home folks and only drop in on occasions at a party, and then usually beat it in jigtime for the fireside.
One of our best-known young newspaper scribes had half the house betting that he was dancing with Edna Purviance, garbed in Turkish emblems. But when she doffed her mask it was not Edna at all, but a charming youngster of the pictures but not well known to fame.
Since Edna has been resurrected in all her beauty for Chaplin’s new picture, “The Kid,” the former friendship between her and Chaplin has been rehashed where the gossip-mongers meet for Wednesday night meeting.
Another pleasing sight was the return of Lucille Carlisle, until recently Larry Semon’s leading lady. Rumor hath it that Lucille and Larry waged a young war about something, as children will. But the soaring young funny man of filmdom and his fair partner were turtle doves who found no one to dance with but themselves.
A false report went out that Bull Montana attended the ball costumed like an ape. This is untrue, for two reasons. One is that Bull wasn’t present, and the other that he needs no costume when imitations of a gorilla are in order. Bull’s face has become his fortune and he is proud of it.
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A girl may not let you kiss her, but the chances are she appreciates your wanting to.
Whiz Bang Filosophy
Prohibition is morality on a jag.
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A good woman is chaste—so is good whiskey.
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Virtue, although often lost, is seldom advertised for.
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After man came woman and she has been after him ever since.
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A woman who can love but once is pretty badly stuck on herself.
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It may be peculiar, but a horse can eat best without a bit in his mouth.
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Man is made of dust; along comes the water wagon of fate and his name is mud.
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Before a man marries, he swears to love; after marriage, he loves to swear.
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Human nature shows to better advantage at a dog fight than at a prayer meeting.
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Love is blind. Perhaps that accounts for some of the bad shots he has made.
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Blessed is the man that is born of little furniture, for it shall be easier to move.
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Most women are both good and true; in fact, most of them are too good to be true.
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You can never judge the length of a woman’s tongue by the size of her mouth.
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Love has been called miserable happiness. Not so, it is what makes happiness miserable.
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He is a mean father who has his whiskers shaved off because the baby likes to pull them.
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Some women kiss their pet dogs in preference to their husbands. Some men are born lucky.
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The girl who wishes she had been born a boy will never make a good wife—she will want to wear the pants.
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A pretty woman with brains usually sends some man to the devil. If she hasn’t brains, she goes there herself.
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Some men promise to stop smoking after marriage without exacting a similar promise from the girl.
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If Mother Eve had been as wise as some of her daughters, what a fool she’d have made of that snake.
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A man will promise a woman or a baby anything to keep them quiet. Sometimes he delivers the goods in the case of the baby.
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All of us believe in law and order, of course, but a surprisingly large number of people like to see a policeman get whipped.
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Of course polygamy is dreadful, but an Oriental wife can come within four or five guesses of knowing where her husband spends his evenings.
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The wise virgins of olden days kept their lamps trimmed and burning; those of the present day keep the gas turned low, and they manage to trim as many suckers as their predecessors.
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Blessed is the man that is born for woman. He hath a short life and little joy. He springeth up in the morning like a huckleberry bush and is crushed to earth at night by a mother-in-law.
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