Just Like Old Crow
Once again the husband came staggering home late.
“Oh, John, have you been drinking again?” sobbed his wife as she caught a whiff of beer.
“No, dearie; you wronged me; I’ve been eatin’ frogsh’ legsh, and you smell the hops.”
It Pays to Advertise
BY OXNARD PETE
It isn’t necessary to read magazine stories any more. The editor tells you all about them in “eye catchers” at the beginning. They read like this:
“Mary’s Garter,” by R. Ubberneck. A snappy and re-elastic love story that stretches the imagination to the breaking point. No “honi soit” stuff here.
“100 to 1,” by N. O. Chance. A race track story. Like a gambler’s watch chain, it has a “charm” that holds the eye.
“Frozen Tears,” by P. North Poole. Returning, after years spent in the far north, John Snow’s wife gives him a cold welcome. He finds that Eskimo maidens may have cold feet, but warm hearts. A tale of polar bears, whale blubber, seal blubber and plain blubber.
Don’t fail to read “Way Down Yeast,” by Holmes Brewer, in our next issue. Mr. Brewer’s stories are as funny as a barrel of monkey wrenches; his wit as spontaneous as a fire sale in Goldstein’s clothing store. And as unique as a drink of real whiskey.
“Down in the Deep,” by Professor U. Drinkwater. A scientific article on the peculiarities of the Zoanatharia actina, mesembryanthemum, tealia crassicornis and other anemones. Too deep for any one but a highbrow to wade through.
“Lucy’s Looseness,” by E. Strong Onion. A story with a smile, some tears, and seeming to breathe throughout, the fragrance of old Bermuda.
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