Oh, Pickle My Bones
Pat—“Well, Mike, I just saw a doctor about my loss of memory.”
Mike—“What did he do?”
Pat—“He made me pay in advance.”
Questions and Answers
Dear Breezy Bill—“What’s the tallest tree you ever have seen?”—Ella Mental.
Up at Pequot we have a tree that is so big it takes two men to look at it; one man looks up at it as far as he can and the other man begins where the first left off.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—I often have heard that there are lots of cows that do not give milk during the summer. Is this true?—O. Shoot.
Yes, in a way, but the next time anyone says such things you just tell them it’s “bull.”
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—I am a girl fourteen years old and have a dog named Toddles. Should I let a boy of fifteen hug me?—Dot.
No, go in the house, and take the dog in, too.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—I met a guy at a dance, he kissed me during the moonlight waltz. What shall I do?—Helen.
Lay off the moonlight waltzes.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—Could you tell me when Cuba was discovered?—Hi Drant.
July 1, 1919.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—I am a young man only seventeen years old. My mother says I shouldn’t play with any rough girls. What shall I do?—Percy.
Do as your mother tells you, you little rascal.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—I am a boy eighteen years old and am in love with a bootlegger’s daughter. How can I tell her that I love her—Al. Hambra.
Send me her address.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—What are the secrets of success?—Harold Lloydette.
“Push,” said the button; “Take Pains,” said the window; “Never be led,” said the pencil; “Be up to date,” said the calendar; “Always keep cool,” said the ice; “Never lose your head,” said the hammer; “Make light of everything,” said the fire; “Find a good thing and stick to it,” said the glue.
* * *
Dear Old Skip—What are goofus feathers?—U. N. Omeal.
The fuzz on a peach.
* * *
Dear Admiral—What is the easiest way to catch a whiffempoof?—A. Fisher.
Throw a plug of tobacco in the water and hit him on the head with a club when he comes up to spit.
* * *
Dear Captain Bill—Why is it that flies can’t see in the winter time?—I. C. Fairlywell.
I suppose it is because they leave their specs behind in the summer time.
* * *
Dear Skipper—Can you dig me up a girl if I come to Robbinsdale to visit you?—Geehell.
Sure, but what’s the matter with me getting you a live one?
* * *
Dear Skipper—What is funnier than a one-arm man trying to wind his wrist watch?—Horace.
A glass eye at a keyhole.
* * *
Dear Skip—How is hash made?—Hi Water Shuz.
It isn’t made. It accumulates.
* * *
Dear Breezy Bill—What’s your idea of the height of optimism?—Peter Outt.
Changing your socks from one foot to the other so that the toes will not fit the holes.
* * *
Dear Captain Billy—Do you think that if I hired a pretty stenographer I would take more interest in my business?—J. G. P.
I don’t know whether you would take more interest in your business, but I know your wife will.
* * *
Dear Skipper—Who was the first original profiteer?—C. Serpent.
The whale that swallowed Jonah; he grabbed all the Prophet in sight.
* * *
In case your Ford misses, look in the exhaust pipe.