Knock ’er On the Kiss!

A discussion on dancing became quite heated. The Girl in the case challenged her partner to prove his contention that any man could kiss a girl against her will. They clinched and after a brief but determined struggle, the girl was being ardently osculated. Upon being freed from the fervent hold the girl sighed and said, “Well, you won but it wasn’t fair. My foot slipped. Let’s try it again.”

Questions and Answers

Dear Captain Billy—Could you explain the latest dance called “The Horse Trot”?—White Capp.

According to our New York correspondent, “The Horse Trot” is done with a little wagon behind.

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Mon Captaine—What ees zis theeng zey call ze “all day suckair”?—Suzanne Lengthen.

An “all day sucker,” Suzanne, is a poor simp who buys a girl’s lunch and supper; takes her to a show; puts on a midnight feed, and has the taxi wait while he bids her good night at the door of her flat.

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Dear Captain Billy—Kissing causes my heart to flutter violently. What should I do when my sweetheart tries to kiss me?—May Leigh.

Letter flutter.

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Dear Keptin—What is the quickest lunch you ever heard of?—Pholush A. Ginn.

Hasty pudding on a Jewish Fast day.

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Dear Captain Billy—I have several gentlemen friends whom I would like to give presents to on Christmas. Would you kindly give me a list of suggestions?—Miss Goo C. Lou.

Below are ten suggestions which I think would make gifts appreciated by almost any man:

1.A quart of hootch.
2.A quart of hootch.
3.A quart of hootch.
4.A quart of hootch.
5.A quart of hootch.
6.A quart of hootch.
7.A quart of hootch.
8.A quart of hootch.
9.A quart of hootch.
10.A quart of hootch.

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Dear Captain Billy—What is a husband?—Little Willie.

Something no respectable woman should be without.

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Dear Captain Billy—What is steam?—Talo Pott.

Steam is water gone crazy with the heat.

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Dear Bilious Skipper—I am a bride of two weeks and my husband has broken my heart accusing me of extravagance and failure to economize in the home. I have tried lots of cheap dishes without success. Could you suggest a few menus which would enable me to make both ends meet?—Worried Marjorie.

Well, Marj, I am not much of an expert at cooking so I have referred your question to Maggie the hired girl. She suggests as a cheap dish, beans, but if you have tried them without success, why not try serving tongue and eggs?

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Dear Captain Billy—Can you tell me where moonshine comes from?—Hugo Chaser.

No, that’s a secret still.

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Dear Captain Billy—I am informed that it is absolutely proper for a lady to shake hands when sitting. If so, has the gentleman the same privilege?—Minnie Haha.

When shaking hands in this glorious land of the free and the home of the Drys, a Gentleman does it standing, a lady has the privilege of shaking sitting down, and a Dog does it standing on three legs.

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Dear Captain—What makes the ocean so blue?—T. N. T.

Because it has to embrace so many objectionable people.

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Dear Bill—Why does a chicken cross the road?—Slim Jim.

Because she sees some fellow over there who looks like easy picking.

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