CONVERSATION-BOOKS FOR 1851.
It is said that Publishers are getting up a series of Conversation-Books for the use of foreigners, visiting the Great Exhibition. But the spoken and written language of London are so different that it is feared these books will be of little use. Mr. PUNCH furnishes the following corrections of the two most important chapters, by the diligent study of which it is hoped that visitors may be enabled to ride and dine.
TO CONVERSE WITH A CABMAN.
| What the Book said. | What the Man said. |
| Do you wish, Sir, to ride in my cabriolet? | C'b? (from every driver on the rank, and as many fingers held up as there are Cabmen.) |
| Where do you wish, Sir, that I should drive you? | Vere to? (and a look.) |
| I wish to go to the Exposition. | |
| Thank you, Sir. I will drive you thither without delay. | Vere? (not understanding the foreigner's English.) |
| What is your fare? | |
| I have driven you two miles. My legal fare for driving you that distance is one shilling and four-pence. | Two bob and a tanner. |
| As you have driven fast, there is one shilling and sixpence. | |
| Thank you, Sir, I am very much obliged to you. | Vot's this? (and a look of contemptuous curiosity at the coin presented.) |
| I shall be happy to drive you in future. | Vel, if hever I drives a scaly furrinrr again, I'm blessed! |
| Good morning to you, Sir. | Ollo! You ain't a-goin' hoff in this 'ere way. |
| You have paid me handsomely. | Oh—you calls yourself a gentleman! |
TO CONVERSE WITH A WAITER.
| Waiter, what have you for dinner? | |
| You can have what you choose to order, Sir. | Din'r, Sir!—Yezzir! |
| Here is the bill of fare, Sir. | S'p, f'sh, ch'ps, st'ks, cutl't, Sir! r'nd o' b'f, Sir!—nice cut, Sir!—sad'l mt'n, Sir!—Yezzir! |
| —John, att'nd to the gnl'm.—Yezzir!—Jem, mon'y—com'n, Sir!—'Ere, Sir!—Yezzir! | |
| Waiter, how much have I to pay? | |
| Here, Sir, is your bill. | Money! (calling.) |
| Permit me to ask you what you have had to eat, Sir? | Now, Sir? (and an interrogative look.) |
| I have had a beef-steak, with boiled potatoes; I have also had a fried sole, and some bread, with Cheshire cheese, and a pint of porter. | St'k, Sir? Yezzir! shill'n, Sir! 'taters, Sir? Yezzir! twop'nce, that's one-and-three, and bread a penny, one-and-three and two is one-and-five, and sole, you said, Sir? Yezzir! that's one shilling: one-and-eight and five, thirteen, that's two-and-six; and cheese? |
| Sir, the price of all that is two shillings. | Yezzir! two-and-eight and four, that's three shill'n; and porter is four; three, four, eight, ten, fifteen—four-and-two. Thank you, Sir! Waiter, Sir? Thank you, Sir. Good afternoon, Sir. |
TO FIND ROOM IN A CROWDED OMNIBUS.
Conductor.—Would any gentleman mind going outside, to oblige a lady?
Unfortunate Gentleman (tightly wedged in at the back).—I should be very happy, but I only came, yesterday, out of the Fever Hospital.
[Omnibus clears in a minute!
A FILE TO SMOOTH ASPERITIES.
The Sheffield Times describes an extraordinary file, which is to be sent from Sheffield to the Great Exhibition. This remarkable file is adorned with designs as numerous as those on the original shield of Achilles, all cut and beaten out with hammer and chisel. How much more sensible and friendly to show distinguished foreigners files of this sort, than to exhibit to them files of soldiers!
THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MEANNESS.
A FARCE, FOUNDED ON FACT.
Mr. and Mrs. Skinflint are discovered in a Parlor in a Fashionable Square. The Wife is busy sewing. The Husband is occupied running his eye, well drilled in all matters of domestic economy, over the housekeeping account of the previous week.
Mr. Skinflint.—You've been very extravagant in my absence, my dear.
Mrs. Skinflint.—It's the same story every week, John.
Mr. Skinflint.—But, nonsense, Madam, I tell you, you have. For instance, you had a Crab for supper last night.
Mrs. Skinflint (startled).—How do you know that? It's not down in the book.
Mr. Skinflint (triumphantly).—No—but I found the shell in the dust-bin!!!!
A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG.
Shoemaker. "I think, Mum, we had better make you a pair. You see, Mum, yours is such a remarkable long and narrer Foot!"
FASHIONS FOR MAY.
Fig. I.—Promenade Costumes.
This is the season when Fashion is more perplexed than at any other, in her endeavors to give humanity a seasonable garb. Boreas and Zephyrus often bear rule on the same day, one reigning with mildness in the morning, the other despotically at evening. Those votaries of Fashion are the wiser, who pay court to the former; for, generally, it is almost June, in our Northern States, before we may be certain that the chilling breath of early Spring will be no more felt.
This being the season for rides and promenades, our illustrations for this month are devoted chiefly to the representation of appropriate costume for those healthful exercises in the open air. The large figure in our first plate, represents an elegant style of promenade dress. Pardessus are much worn at this season, made in a lighter manner than those used earlier. Velvet pardessus with silk or satin linings, but not padded, are used. Our illustration represents one of black velvet, trimmed with several narrow rows of satin of the same color. The dress is amber-colored figured silk, with a very full plain skirt. Capotes or bonnets of satin are also worn. An elegant style is made of violet velvet and satin, ornamented with heart's-ease almost hidden within coques of satin and velvet, which are arranged in a tasteful manner upon the exterior of the capote, the interior being decorated with heart's-ease to match, which may or may not be intermixed with lace or tulle, according to the taste of the wearer.
Costumes for young misses are also represented in our first illustration. The larger one has a dress of a pale chocolate cachmere, trimmed with narrow silk fringe; the double robings on each side of the front as well as the cape, on the half-high corsage, ornamented with a double row of narrow silk fringe. This trimming is also repeated round the lower part of the loose sleeve. Chemisette of plaited cambric, headed with a broad frill of embroidery; full under-sleeves of cambric, with a row of embroidery round the wrist. Open bonnet of pink satin, a row of white lace encircling the interior next the face. Boots of pale violet cachmere and morocco. Trowsers of worked cambric. The smaller figure has a frock of plaided cachmere. Paletot of purple velvet, or dark cachmere; a round hat of white satin, the low crown adorned with a long white ostrich feather. Trowsers and under-sleeves of white embroidered cambric. Button gaiter boots of chocolate cachmere.
Fig. 2.—Evening Costume.
Figure 2 represents a most elegant costume for an evening party, or a ball. It is composed of a beautifully embroidered white satin dress, the skirt looped up on the right side, and decorated with a bunch of the pink honey-plant, heading three pink and white marabout tips, from which depend three ends of deep silk fringe, pink and white. Low pointed corsage, the top of which is encircled with a small embroidered pointed cape, edged as well as the short sleeves with a deep pink and white fringe, and confined upon the centre with a cluster of feathers and flowers, decorated in the centre with a butterfly composed of precious stones. The hair is simply arranged with a narrow wreath of pink and white velvet leaves, finished on the right side with two small marabout feathers, and two ends of fringe drooping low.
Fig. 3.—Morning Promenade Costume.
Figure 3 is a morning promenade costume. A high dress of black satin, the body fitting perfectly tight; a small jacket cut on the bias, with two rows of black velvet laid on a little distance from the edge. The sleeves are rather large, and have abroad cuff turned back, which is trimmed to correspond with the jacket. The skirt is long and full; the dress ornamented up the front in its whole length by rich fancy silk trimmings, graduating in size from the bottom of the skirt to the waist, and again increasing to the throat. Bonnet of plum-colored satin; a bunch of heart's-ease, intermixed with ribbon, placed low on the left side; the same flowers, but somewhat smaller, ornament the interior.
Fig. 4 And 5.—Head-Dresses.
Figures 4 and 5 represent different styles of head-dresses for balls or evening parties. Figure 4 is a combination of flowers and splendid ribbons, with a fall on each side, of the richest lace. Figure 5 is very brilliant. It is a wreath of Ceres form, composed of small flowers in rubies, emeralds, and diamonds, perfectly resembling natural flowers, with ears of wheat freely intermingled. At this season the head-dresses are chiefly of the floral description. Feathers and flowers intermixed, form a very beautiful coiffure.