DIPLOMACY AND GASTRONOMY.
It is a very generally received opinion that gammon is the basis of diplomacy; but the fact is, that it is impossible to conduct international negotiations on the foundation of that humble and economical fare, even when rendered more palatable by the addition of spinach. Mr. Rives, it is said, has written a letter to Mr. Webster, complaining that the American Embassadorship can not be done at Paris under £9000 a year, and adds that
"According to Mr. Pakenham, good dinners are half the battle of diplomacy, and the most favorable treaties are gained by liberal feeding."
This aphorism suggests important reflections.
A main point to be attended to in the formation of a diplomatic corps is the commissariat; and the force must be well armed with knives and forks, in addition to being supplied with plate armor.
The trenches in diplomatic warfare must be manned by regular trenchermen.
Rivals in diplomacy must be cut out by actual carving; and in order to dish them, recourse must be had to real dishes.
If one diplomatist wishes to turn the tables on another, it is requisite that he and his suite should keep the better tables.
The politeness of diplomatic intercourse should be qualified, in some measure, with sauce, and its gravity tempered with gravy.
Treating, in diplomacy, is best managed by giving "a spread."
Bold diplomatists are those "who greatly daring, dine."
The most liberal foreign policy is that of giving grand banquets.
A plenipotentiary should have unlimited powers of cramming.
An embassador has been defined to be, "a man sent abroad to lie for the sake of the commonwealth;" but the definition must be enlarged to express the fact, that he is also a person deputed to a foreign country to eat and drink for the interest of his native land.
The most important diplomatic functions are those of digestion.
SUPPER AT A JUVENILE PARTY.
Alfred. "I say, Frank, arn't you going to have some Supper?"
Frank. "A—Not at present. I shall wait till the Women leave the room."
ONE OF THE JUVENILES AFTER THE PARTY.
Doctor. "Ahem! Well! and what's the matter with my young friend, Adolphus?"
Mother. "Why, doctor, he was at a Juvenile Party last night, and I'm afraid he's eaten something that does'n't agree with him, poor dear!"