IN THE TRAINED-MONKEYS' CAGE.
First Monkey. "You remember that boy who was teasing me yesterday? I caught him by the wrist and pretty nearly twisted his arm off."
Second Monkey. "Yes; I heard him tell another boy he got hurt by a monkey-wrench."
The story is told that Daniel Webster, when on his way by stage-coach to Washington once, was looked upon with suspicion by his travelling companions. Finally one of the latter tapped him on the knee and said,
"How far are you going?"
"I am going to Washington," answered Webster.
"Are you a merchant?" continued the inquirer.
"No, I am a Senator," replied Webster.
"Well, well!" exclaimed the other, holding out his hand. "I am relieved. We feared you might be a highwayman."
Two Irishmen were repairing a well over on Long Island, when suddenly one of them missed his footing and fell to the bottom. The other, greatly excited, leaned over the edge and exclaimed,
"Denny! oh, Denny! are ye dead?"
No answer came. Then he called again,
"Denny, if you're dead, speak!"
Presently the fellow at the bottom replied,
"Sure I'm not quite dead, man, but I'm spachless!"