NO NEED TO LEARN.
"I'm afraid you'll never know how to write, Tommie," said his teacher, sadly.
"Don't care," said Tommie. "Uncle Jim is going to send me a type-writer for my birthday."
A poor Irish woman took a copper kettle to a pawn-shop in order to secure some money.
"I should think you would not want to put this up," remarked the pawnbroker. "What will you cook your dinner in?"
"Sure it's to get money to buy meat with to put in it that I'm pawnin' the thing."
A New York police magistrate, who has made a reputation for irascibility, was scolding half a dozen hawkers and peddlers who had been arrested for standing about and encumbering the sidewalks. "We can't allow this," exclaimed the excitable magistrate. "If everybody stood in the street, how could anybody get by?"