TO BE OVERHEARD DAILY.
Scene—A Restaurant.
First Luncher. Waiter, bring me the bill, please.
Waiter. Yes, Sir.
Second Luncher. No, I say, old man, this is mine. Waiter, bring the bill to me.
W. Yes, Sir.
F. L. No, waiter, it's mine.
S. L. My dear old chap——
F. L. Yes, it's mine. Get it, waiter.
W. Yes, Sir.
S. L. But I asked you.
F. L. No, I asked you.
S. L. Yes, but I asked you first.
F. L. That doesn't matter.
S. L. Of course it does. And I've been doing all the ordering too.
F. L. That's all right. I'm glad you have. You do it very well.
S. L. Well, I want to pay.
F. L. Oh, no, my dear fellow. It's my lunch. I've been feeling like the host all the time.
S. L. So have I. I haven't felt like a guest at all. It's my bill.
F. L. I couldn't hear of it. You came here to lunch with me.
S. L. Upon my soul, I thought you were lunching with me. I asked you, you know.
F. L. You can't deny I asked you; I said, "We'll lunch together next Thursday," didn't I?
S. L. That's all right, but I swear I asked you first. It was because I had asked you that you said what you said.
F. L. Well, I look on it as my lunch, anyway.
S. L. Then why did you let me order the things and send back that wine?
F. L. That's all right, old man. You've been lunching with me to-day. Next time I'll lunch with you.
S. L. I'm not satisfied with it. I consider this my lunch.
F. L. No, no. It's mine. Here's the waiter.
S. L. Waiter, let me have that.
F. L. No, waiter, give it to me.
S. L. (snatching the bill, glancing at it, and hastily slamming down a sovereign). That's all right, waiter. Keep the change.
W. Yes, Sir; thank you, Sir.
F. L. Waiter, don't take that money. This is my affair.
W. Yes, Sir.
S. L. It's all over now, old chap. It's paid. Come along. (Gets up.)
F. L. (producing a sovereign). That's for the bill, waiter. I don't know anything about that other money.
S. L. But it's paid. It's done with.
F. L. Oh, no. You mustn't do that. It's my lunch. I asked you, you know. Why, I told my wife this morning that you were lunching with me to-day.
S. L. I asked you first, you know.
F. L. I don't think so, old chap; I don't indeed.
S. L. I assure you I never had a shadow of doubt about it. I took it for granted that you knew you were lunching with me and I was the host. Otherwise should I have made that fuss about the omelette? Should I now?
F. L. I was very glad you did. I felt that you felt at home.
S. L. It puts me in such an awkward position. Really, I should take it as a personal favour if you'd let me pay.
F. L. No, no. No, no. This is my affair. I asked you.
S. L. I asked you first.
F. L. No, no. No, no. Come along. Here's your sovereign.
S. L. Well, I consent, but under protest. Next time you really lunch with me.
F. L. Right-o. I'd love to.
"Lines of an alliterative character will occur to anyone who has read much poetry. There is a notable example in Shelley's 'Skylark.'
'Singing still dost roar, and roaring ever singest.'"
Dublin Sunday Independent.
A man we know does this much better than any skylark.
The Daily Chronicle (of Kingston, Jamaica) informs its readers that "According to Theopompus, a waiter of the fourth century B.C., the Epirots were divided into fourteen independent tubes." The waiters of Epirus must have found this a great convenience when ordering meals from the kitchen.