THE FOX AND THE GUINEA-PIGS.
(A Financial Fable.)
["There are dozens of Companies now existing with the Duke of Puffball, Sir Bonus Bare-acres, Bart., Major Guinea Pig, M.P., and the like, figuring upon the Board of Directors. A short, but drastic Act, making all such figureheads directly responsible, would go far to prevent similar occurrences, and to abolish a delusive, if not a fraudulent system."—Herbert T. Reid's Letter to the Times.]
Smart Mr. Fox, whose brain no conscience troubles,
Floated a Company—for blowing bubbles!
"Bubbles?" the duller creatures cried in chorus,
"Are you not coming nursery nonsense o'er us?
What is the use of bubbles—save to boys?"
"Hush!" cried 'cute Reynard. "Do not make a noise!
Bubbles—if bright—are cunning's best decoys.
Bubbles are only wind plus soap and water;
But well-stirred suds, and well-blown flatulence,
In this fool world, have influence immense,
And draw unthinking dupes from every quarter.
Eloquence is but Wind, yet flowery trope
Is Humbug's favourite lure;
And what is Diplomatic Skill but soap?
Trust me! Success is sure!
Bubbles are bright, bewitch the mob, float far,
And cost the blower little.
The watery sphere looks like a world, a star,
And when it bursts, being exceeding brittle,
Where it explodes (as at the rainbow's foot)
There's hidden treasure—for the clever brute
Who knows that gulls are the great wealth-bestowers,
Bubbles mean solid bullion—for the blowers!"
The shrewder animals applauded. Lupus
Cried, "We are with you, so you do not dupe us!"
Ursus and Taurus also, Bull and Bear,
Were eager in the game to take a share.
Said Vulpus to the assembled quadrupeds,
"Company Boards, like ships, need figureheads,
Wooden but ornamental! Eh? You twig?
Sweet are the uses of—the Guinea Pig!
Dull, but respectable and decorative,
That tribe, to whom credulity is native.
They'll sit around our Board in solemn row,
And never, never 'want to know, you know,'
Beyond convenient limits. Their proud presence
Will fill our flock with faith; their acquiescence,
So readily secured by liberal fees,
Will make the mob accept our schemes with ease.
Behold them! They will give us little trouble
By wanting—well, to analyse the Bubble;
So they get something for themselves more solid,
They'll sit serene and stolid
In titled sloth and coronetted slumber.
I can secure them, friends, in any number;
For Guinea Pigs are numerous and prolific
And as decoys their influence is mirific.
So whilst we work our Bubble-blowing rigs,
Hurrah, for Guinea Pigs!
They'll take our fees, assent to our suggestions,
And ask no awkward questions."
Moral.
The rank's the guinea's stamp, says Scotland's Rob,
But if you want to bubble, juggle, job,
You'll find, with Vulpus, the Promoter big,
Rank is the stamp of the true Guinea Pig!
