A FULL MEASURE OF JUSTICE.
(According to the Modern Method.)
Scene—The Old Bailey. Judge seated on the Bench, thoroughly enjoying himself. Prisoner in the Dock. Jurymen in the Box. Counsel, Solicitors, and Public, in attendance.
Judge. Now I will swear the Jury.
Officer of the Court. I beg your Lordship's pardon, but I have always been accustomed to——
Judge (interrupting). Not at all; I will do it myself. You can't give me too much work. (Swears the Jury.) And now, Prisoner, what do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
Prisoner. Well, my Lord, I should say——
Judge. Not guilty. Quite right, always give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You can't imagine what stupid Jurymen we have sometimes. Quite right to say Not guilty. And now who appears for the prosecution?
Counsel. I do, my Lord, I——
Judge. Glad to see the eminent counsel here, and I know of no one who can better conduct a case. Still, with my learned friend's or rather my learned brother's, I should say the learned Counsel's permission, I will just open for the Crown myself. (Opens for the Crown with brilliant effect. Applause.) No; I cannot allow any demonstration of that sort. By the way (to Counsel for the Prosecution), Have we any witnesses?
Counsel. Yes, my Lord, a Police Sergeant.
Judge. Oh, indeed, I will soon settle him. (Witness enters box and is sworn.) And now, you Sir, I am not going to allow any speeches—so be on your guard. (Examines and cross-examines him.) Have we any more witnesses?
Counsel. No, my Lord—that is our case.
Judge. Quite so. The face of the learned Counsel, who is retained for the defence, is new to me, but if he has no objection, I will open for him.
Counsel. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. Thank you. (Addresses the Jury.) And now, if we have no witnesses, I think I will sum up. (To Counsel for the Defence.) Have we any witnesses?
Counsel. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. Well, I think we won't call any witnesses, because then the Prosecution won't have a reply.
Counsel. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. Quite so. And now, Gentlemen of the Jury, I have now my own special functions to perform. I will sum up the case in my judicial capacity. You must know then——(Sums up.) And now I will leave you to decide upon your verdict. (Jury consults.) Or perhaps you would like to leave the matter to me?
Foreman of the Jury. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. Thank you. Then I think we may say "Guilty." Prisoner at the Bar, it is now my duty to sentence you. I think, under all the circumstances of the case, that I need not treat you too harshly. There is no doubt that the prosecution has been conducted in a very able manner; and this remark is equally applicable to the manner in which the defence has been carried out. I think a month's imprisonment will be sufficient. Prisoner, you are sentenced to a month's imprisonment.
Prisoner. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. But, as I have had a good deal to do with this case, I think I may as well remain in it to the end. So, with the consent of the convict, the Counsel, and the Jury, I will go to prison myself.
The Entire Court. As your Lordship pleases.
Judge. Thank you all very much. I hope, after a month's retirement, to have the pleasure of meeting you again.
[Exit, in custody. Curtain.
For a Few Nights Ohnet.—Mr. and Mrs. Kendal have revived The Ironmaster. As may be imagined, the dialogue is full of irony.
