BALLADE TO ORDER.
If you're ever in want of a subject for verse—
(Which I venture to say you may very well be)—
When you're strongly disposed to indulge in a curse,
Like a golfer enraged at an afternoon tee,
Then take my advice. When you're badly at sea,
Just ask some fair lady to help you to settle
Your subject. Here's one which was given to me—
How long would a bat keep alive in a kettle?
How long would it be, ere it felt getting worse,
And seriously thought it must give up the G
(Where G is the ghost), and how soon would a hearse
Be required for the poor little corpse. Or with glee
Would the sprightly small animal gaily make free,
And kick up its heels in the finest of fettle,
Considering it all as a wonderful spree—
How long would a bat keep alive in a kettle?
Now it wouldn't be truthful to say that my purse
Has a superabundance of £, s., or d.,
Yet I don't mind confessing I'd gladly disburse
All I have got to know who it was—he or she—
Who fooled the poor bat to so great a degree.
But it's really high time to take hold of the nettle
And end this ballade (you must spell with an e)—
How long would a bat keep alive in a kettle?
L'Envoi.
Fair Lady, I own that I felt up a tree,
At the thought of the subject. But, put on one's mettle,
It can be done somehow—your thanks are my fee—
How long would a bat keep alive in a kettle?