THE NEW CONDUCTOR.
["You have been elected by a majority of the House. You are the representative of the whole House."—Report of the Right Hon. Arthur Balfour's speech on the election of Mr. Gully as Speaker.]
Mr. Punch to Mr. Speaker.
If the Second Fiddle's satisfied, you're all right with the First!
The Harp may heed your bâton, and as for the Big Drum,
When it booms out on the night with a loud sonorous burst,
That makes the whole proscenium shake and hum;
What matter if the clatter, and the bang and bump and batter,
Keep but time?
If they're docile to your nod, and obedient to your rod,
The New Conductor's post will be prime!
The Orchestra has doubtless been a little bit at odds,
And what should bring forth harmony has fallen into row;
But, good gracious! there were shines sometimes among the Olympian gods,
And the noisy ones look milk and honey now.
The brazen and the windy both outdid Wagnerian shindy,
For a while;
Now there's calm at wings and middle, and even the First Fiddle
Veils his virtuous indignation with a smile:
The tutti did go wrong, all the parts appeared at strife,
They liked the Old Conductor, were in doubt about the New;
And Wh-tbr-d's tootling piccolo, and Wh-rt-n's wry-neck'd fife,
Went decidedly a little bit askew.
But, in spite of blare and blether, they're now going well together,
String and reed,
Parchment, and wood, and brass; and it yet may come to pass
That the New Conductor's début will succeed.
The Old Conductor's style was perfection, there's no doubt,
Impossible to beat, and extremely hard to follow;
But the new one seems to know pretty well what he's about.
A Mercury can play, though no Apollo.
So let us cheer all round, as he makes his bow profound!
Tap, tap, tap!
Go the fiddle-bows, in proof that, while welcome shakes the roof,
The orchestra agree to cheer and clap!
Sir, that St. Stephen's Orchestra is mighty hard to lead:
Needs mastery, and dignity, and coolness, and fine ear,
Great was the bâton-wielder 'tis your fortune to succeed;
But tackle your big task, Sir, without fear!
Punch trusts the name of Gully on Fame's roll will not shine dully
At the end!
Now tune up string and bow, let the New Conductor know
That he finds in each performer a fair friend!